When I was 11, my mom gave me a bar of soap that looked and smelled like chocolate. I was so excited about this special soap and had never seen anything like it. Like I had done with my Halloween candy and all the Christmas money I had ever received, I decided to save the bar of soap for as long as possible so I could use it on a really special occasion. I put it on the top shelf of our shower in its wrapper, convinced that I would know the exact moment I could finally use it.
That special occasion never came. After a month of looking at the soap in its wrapper every day, I eventually forgot about it. Rather than being something to look forward to, the bar of soap became a permanent part of that shower shelf. It sat, wrapped up on that shelf for another two months.
Then one day, my sixth-grade self was just like “F**k it” (except not really, because I was in sixth grade and afraid of swearing). I hopped in the shower, ecstatic that I would finally enjoy this wonderful soap I had been saving for so long. But when I unwrapped it, I was in for a surprise. My heart dropped as I realized that, in leaving the bar of soap in the shower for so long, the wrapping had rotted, the bar of soap was dissolved, and the chocolate scent now smelled sharp, chemical-y, and unappealing. Feeling disappointed, I gently placed the now-unusable bar of soap in the trash.
This article isn’t about a bar of soap. This article is about doing things that would make your 11-year-old self happy (but if you do know where to find a bar of chocolate-scented soap, please help a girl out). Because of my former expertise in delayed gratification, I realized I had developed a habit of depriving myself of some really small-but-amazing moments of joy. Today, I question why I did that—would any moment have been “worth” it enough? Or do you make a moment special by introducing those little joys?
Needless to say, I don’t save my nice soap anymore. I’m also constantly burning my favorite candle, using the nice pens to write my daily to-do list, drinking the tea I got for my birthday, and listening to the newest episode of my favorite podcast. Although delayed gratification can be really great and useful sometimes, I’ve found that letting myself experience these little joys has made me a lot happier. Instead of waiting for some special unknown moment to appreciate something, I’ve come to appreciate those things in the moment. It’s helped me live in the present a lot more, rather than worrying so much about the future. It’s also made me notice happy moments more and has made me a lot more grateful for these moments when they come.
I have a photo album on my phone of a few pictures of my younger self. Whenever I think I don’t deserve something, I go in and look at those pictures of that little girl. I’ve come to realize that I feel insanely protective of her. If anyone told her that she wasn’t worth little moments of joy, I would go feral on them. I’m going to continue to try to find new ways of making my 11-year-old self happy, so I will never save the nice pens again. In fact, I’m currently using them to fill in my Taylor Swift colouring book.