Opening thirteen fortune cookies in the Rat is not bad luck. It’s journalism.
“You deserve to have a good time after a hard day’s work”
Go to Frida’s tonight.
“Try something new.”
This does not mean “try a new spring break juice cleanse”. Try anything but that. If you want to be healthy, just eat a lot of pears (try this web search: Rick Ross + shout out + pears).
“You will soon have the opportunity to improve your finances.”
If you snag a packet of sweetener every time you leave the Rat, you will never have to buy Splenda ® again. Boom. Finances improved.
“You will soon have a four-wheeled adventure.”
MONSTER JAM 2016. FedEx Forum. See you there.
“You are a leader. Others soon will need your inspiration.”
We need someone to create a new soda-fountain combo at the Rat ASAP.
“You will have a pleasant surprise this evening.”
My idea of a pleasant surprise is my 4s accidentally falling in the toilet and me getting a phone upgrade.
“Be generous, and the favor will be returned.”
If I bake you a cake, will you bake me one in return?
“A new relationship is about to blossom. You will be blessed.”
Palmer Cat will approach you. You will receive Palmer Cat’s blessing for being in its presence.
“An important discussion involving you will take place today.”
Rhodes students are gossiping about you because you probably did absolutely nothing.
“You may lose the small ones but win the big ones.”
Short people probably don’t like you that much, but try making friends with tall people.
“You have an unusual magnetic personality for success to come.”
You have a nice personality, so you might be successful, but that’s really not a guarantee…but nice personality. Also, you are unusual and magnetic.
“Your persistence will pay off.”
Be persistent and maybe we can make Rhodes great again.
“You will finally receive something you’ve always wanted.”
A parking spot? (Thank you, Nathalie Vacheron)
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