As a single woman, I am questioned about everything, specifically referring to who I hang out with. If I decide to hangout with someone one-on-one, people jump to the conclusion that I am on a date.
And while it is not the only case, it does tend to occur more often if I am with a male friend. Are they assuming my sexuality or the other person’s?
I don’t need your approval
As a woman in a patriarchal and heteronormative society, my actions are scrutinized every now and then. I have many guy friends in my life who I have hung out with one-to-one. Some of these instances have been traveling, hiking, volunteering, going out to eat, etc. Many of these can be or have turned into an all day thing.
When that is the case, everyone around me starts raising their flags and addressing their grievances. They start asking me how my “date” was or if I have feelings for this person. First of all, who said it was a date? Secondly, who are you to come and barge into my life and start questioning my motives? If I want to hangout with someone, especially if they are a guy, why do they have to be someone I want to date? Can’t I just enjoy their company and that is all?
As mentioned earlier, it doesn’t just happen with my guy friends. For those that know I am queer and question my sexuality, they will also bring up similar conversations when I am with a female or non-binary friend they never met. It goes both ways–– when, in reality, it shouldn’t be their concern whatsoever.
It comes off as if they are concerned for my safety and wellbeing, but then turns into a full scale investigation of my life. Just because you don’t know who they are and what they mean to me in my life, this does not mean you have a right to put yourself in that role of “authority”.
Oh, But you are such a sweet Girl
Okay, and…? People make it seem like it sucks to be single. I assure you, it doesn’t. If anything, at this moment in time, being in a relationship would be the worst possible thing I could do for myself. I know I’m not ready for that, mentally or emotionally.
So, why would I put myself through that just because people think I should? Me hanging out with someone is not to see if I want to be in a relationship with them but it’s for my own pure pleasure.
Who I am as a person, based on my personality or physical appearance, should not determine whether or not I should be dating. Period.
Let me be me
I am going to live my life how I want to, regardless of what anyone else says. Next time they ask “is that your boyfriend” or “are you interested in them” or “how was your date,” let me just say that the answer will not be in the affirmative. So as Mandy Hale says:
“Single” is an opportunity to live life on your own terms and not apologize.
Mandy Hale