The Amazingness that is Courtney Stodden

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Courtney Stodden, I am about to introduce you to a popular media icon who far surpasses Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton in intelligence, beauty, and talent. While she may be only 16, Courtney clearly has the life experience and maturity to have already been able to find her life partner — 51 year old Doug Hutchison (whose Wikipedia profile proclaims him an “actor,” although that seems to be a subjective term nowadays). Some of our parents may scoff at, or, you know, disown us, if we so much as dated someone 40 years our senior, but not Courtney’s mother! In fact, she fully supported the marriage and rushed to sign the wedding documents (because Courtney was not old enough to do so herself…). Courtney’s mother also likens her daughter to Anna Nicole Smith, who was a Playboy model and died from an overdose of prescription medication! Sounds exactly what I’d like my future child to aspire towards.

 
Some of you may be wondering what Courtney is famous for. Her talent comes in the form of modeling inappropriately at pumpkin patches, wearing lucite heels, explicitly groping her 51 year old husband in public, and her notorious Twitter account. If you want to read some of the best written prose since Twain and Shakespeare, I suggest you take a look at this account (https://twitter.com/CourtneyStodden). We can see, even in the most recent tweet, an example of Courtney’s mastery of the English language: “blissfully baking for my early-bird bod beneath the sizzling rays of the slippery sun before preparing myself for a delightfully divine day! :)” If you would be so kind as to tell me how the sun can be described as “slippery,” I would be eager to hear.
 
Why I’m writing a blog entry on Courtney isn’t because I envy her writing (I do) or sexual prowess (I also do) but because this what American pop culture has become today. People that embody no talent (or morals, for that matter) are given space in tabloids and on TV. Even though we mock them, they are still gaining money from our time and criticism. It’s time to focus on more important things — for example, the drastic financial crisis occurring in Greece and Italy right now — than Courtney Stodden’s supposedly “real” boobs.