“You’re a Girl by birth, a Woman by maturity, and a Lady by choice.”- Entian O. Bereola II
I ordered this book on Amazon years after hearing Mr. Bereola speak at Loyola University. He is an eloquent well-spoken man who teaches about etiquette. His first book was geared towards men titled “Bereolaesque”. After hearing him speak and finding out that he would be writing a book directed towards women I knew I had to get my hands on it. The first thing that is to be recognized is the title, Gentlewoman. Mr. Bereola explains in the book that men in a group, regardless of personality, class, or creed are referred to as Gentlemen; (pg. 31) contrary to the actual definition of the word
“gent·le·men
ˈjen(t)lmən/
noun
1. 1.
a chivalrous, courteous, or honorable man.
“he behaved like a perfect gentleman”
2. 2.
a polite or formal way of referring to a man.
“opposite her an old gentleman sat reading”
Yet women are not give an equal reference. So Mr. Bereola presents Gentlewoman.
One thing that I appreciate is the acknowledgment that men and women are indeed different and etiquette is different for men and women. Mr. Bereola makes it known that he is not attempting to present to women the Holy Grail guide to how a woman is supposed to act. On the contrary, he is very sensitive to what a woman goes through every day; the judgement, double standards, and the patriarchal binary system women are encouraged, sometimes forced to live by. Make no mistake, there still seemed to be defined gender role but there is a give and take.
Mr. Bereola starts off his book paying homage to women, whether they be women currently in his life like his mother or his wife, or women that he learned from throughout his life. From there he goes on to make a disclaimer. He wants women who read the book to understand that they are free to take whatever they want away from the book. They are not obligated to read this book and use it as their Lady Etiquette Bible.
After disclaimers have been made and homage has been paid, Mr. Bereola transitions into a beautifully worded search for A Lady,
“Fortunately many of you are interested in acting like a Lady, but have been told to think like a man. Thinking like a man is a waste of a woman, but you should understand how men think. Men are behaving like women; women are behaving like men, and Ladies are getting lost in the mix. Your crown is up for grabs.”
Mr. Bereola continues his search with a poetic reverence like search for the reader to think back to the last time they have witnessed the essence of a Lady.
“Do you remember the first time you saw a Lady?
Well, when was the last time you saw her? She’s a missing part of the conversation; an afterthought.
Like a torn condom, you’ve been left unprotected when needed most. You split because you felt neglected. Your Independence Day isn’t July 4th, but every summer that passes. Fireworks become less enjoyable in your absence. Trips to the beach are like walking past puddles because the ocean seems less significant in your absence. A Sunset has been downgraded to a falling star without you. Beauty isn’t beautiful anymore. Your uprooting has left open soil for rotten seeds. Bad girls sprout each spring. You’ve been bootlegged. Young girls are deceived by your knock-off. You’re unreal. You’re the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny except kids don’t believe in you anymore. Your curtsey is gone. Your smile is vintage. There are remnants of your aura in classic films, while your ghost exists in love songs. Your name is an antique. Some say you can only be viewed in museums. Others say reality TV murdered you. People in costumes pretend to be you, but they’re see-through. You’re like a black and white photograph except you haven’t made a comeback.
Has anyone seen a Lady? ”
Has anyone seen a Lady? A powerful question that can rub some the wrong way. This book challenges mainstream Feminism in its bold questioning of today’s women, lack of class and etiquette. For me this book started off with a bang and I and enjoying the ride. I absolutely love the way Mr. Bereola writes. I adore this book so far. Follow me as I continue reading through this book and its idea of what it means to be a Gentlewoman. Stay tuned.