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I hate being eaten out. Cunnilingus, oral sex, head–whatever you call it, I hate it. Whenever I tell any of my friends this, they gasp and try to convince me that being eaten out is the best thing ever and that the guy must be doing it wrong. So I try again. And again. And in about 13 different positions, and still nothing. They tell me that it STILL must just be how the guy is doing it, but, after being with several guys, I think I would know if it was him. My friends tell me that it “feels like all of their nerves are igniting,” but I have never ONCE felt that sensation with a guy’s head between my legs. So I have come to the conclusion that it certainly–most definitely–is me.
From my very first encounter with oral sex, I knew I hated receiving it. It made me so uncomfortable to have someone put their mouth in an area of my body that I’ve never really been too fond of too begin with. To me, vaginas are kinda gross. Even a perfectly healthy and clean vagina has a scent and looks quite wrinkly and unpleasant. I used to be so insecure while receiving oral sex that I would count or sing in my head to distract myself from my partner’s tongue.
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With each guy that I dated, I avoided it for as long as possible. If they mentioned oral, I would distract them with a blow job. If they started moving downward in our makeout session, I’d pull them back up and make out with them more passionately, hoping that they’d get the hint (like hey! The party’s up here please avoid my vagina, thanks). But alas it always came down to the point where the guy was pleading to eat me out. And I don’t write this to make myself out to have some magical vagina that guys would just LOVVVE to eat out. I think because I have told them no or distracted them consistently, that it becomes almost like this forbidden thing to them. Like the “don’t push the big red button” desire. SO eventually I let them, because I don’t ever really feel like explaining this, and I know it turns them on or whatever. And  I always have hope that this will be it, this will be time where I FINALLY feel it.
And nothing.
No sparks. No magic fire lit within my soul. Just a slobbered up vagina that needs to pee because I’d like to avoid a UTI at all costs.
I don’t know what it is. I don’t know why. I am just one of those women that does not like being eaten out. And recently I’ve realized that there’s nothing wrong with that. I’ll take my sex however I like, and I’m damn proud of that. So no, I’d rather not be eaten out, thanks.
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