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Sadly I, like many other people in the world, have had to go through a rough breakup. Being completely in love with someone and having them change their mind about you is one of the worst feelings I have ever experienced. Not only do you lose that person, but you lose their friends, their family, and your best, most intimate friend. It took many months for me to heal, and for a while I felt like I would never feel better again. Thankfully, I had fantastic friends and a wonderful family to help me through it. I was able to rebuild myself and learn how to be happy again with someone else. For anyone else out there who may be going through the same thing, I know your pain. You may think that nothing good could come out of this pain, but trust me, a lot does.
Learn Who Your Real Friends Are
After my ex broke up with me, I had tons of people coming up to me telling me how sorry they were, how they would do anything for me, and that he was a total loser (helpful tip: this NEVER makes the situation better; telling me the man I spent a year and a half with was a loser and you’re only telling me this now does not help anything). As nice as this appeared, I could see that people were turning around and saying the same things to him, and that all they wanted were the juicy details about why our relationship ended; they did not actually intend to help the situation. In this time, I dropped a lot of people in my life that I saw were never really my friends, and that my life was not better with them in it. Even though you may feel sad for all of these lost friendships, you grow so much closer to the true friends that you have. I will NEVER be able to thank my friends who helped me through the darkest part of my life, and I am forever thankful for how much closer we became through that bad situation.
Mature and Grow
Being in my first serious relationship, I really did not have a solid idea of what a “good” relationship was or what I should and should not tolerate. When a relationship ends, reflecting on the relationship consumes you. You start to realize the little things your partner did that were not ok, and that you should have stood up for yourself a bit more. It is easier to see the imbalance your relationship may have had and talking to others about the relationship makes you see all the things you do not want in your next relationship. It is so incredibly important to know what you need and do not need, what you hate and love, and even some of your own undesirable qualities you should try to fix in your next relationship.
Having your heart broken also causes you to mature in so many ways. You really learn the power of love and how fragile and flawed it can be. It helps you realize what you should prioritize in life and helps improve your independence. One thing I realized through my heart break- as pessimistic as it may sound- is that it is very hard to emotionally rely on other people. Of course, it is completely normal and ok to confide in others and ask for help when you are upset, but it is not smart to completely rely on someone else to keep your emotions upbeat. You need to be able to make yourself happy, because that is who you are ultimately bound with your entire life.
Be Happy
This may sound cliché, but you really are better off after a breakup. It has been almost a year since my world shattered, and I can say that I am much better off now than I was in that relationship. I was not held back when I entered college and was able to completely throw myself into building the next chapter of my life and making new friends without having someone to worry about. I was even able to find a new partner and start a relationship that is much more mature and equal than anything I had before. I know that I am in a much happier place, and I know that he is too. We have both moved on in our lives but will always hold the good memories fondly.
Take Your Time
Some of the most important advice I could give anyone about going through a breakup is do not rush yourself. You cannot make yourself move on or heal faster than you’re emotionally ready for. There is no set time that you must heal and move on, every person is different. Let yourself grieve the loss of your relationship fully and find other things to fill your life before you begin committing to someone else. Learn to know and love yourself fully before letting someone else fall in love with you, so you are ensured a healthy start to this new chapter of your life.
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