I have learned that one of the greatest skills someone can possess is learning how to feel comfortable with being alone. At any age, especially this age, we are going to experience everything from love to loss and happiness to heartbreak. As humans we find and build connections within certain people for reasons we may never know the answer to. We open ourselves up to caring for one another, and we extend our time, our light, our compassion. While love is a beautiful thing and the creation of life is essential to it, I promise you, the lack of it is nothing to stress out about.
Solitude is strange. If you are someone who has not experienced true solitude, I hope you learn to embrace all of the wonderful blessings that come along with it. Ending relationships and losing people who once meant the world is a part of life. The pain we experience is definitely a transformational journey in itself. However, the lessons we learn after it creates the strength and resilience we carry on our backs forever. If we choose to see the positive, truly understand why it did not work out, and look to ourselves for comfort, there is nothing you cannot overcome. It is important to embrace all of your feelings and embrace the pain as long as you remember that pain and suffering is only temporary. I believe that unknowingly, solitude is where we truly and whole-heartedly allow room for self-discovery, personal growth and much-needed spiritual transformation.
If you are someone who has never experienced being in a relationship and are worried that you need to find your soulmate, recognize that you cannot love someone until you love yourself. Love yourself so much that you don’t need anyone to do it for you. Find comfort and happiness within yourself. If you rely on someone else to make you happy, boost your self-esteem or make you feel worthy, you are giving them power over you. You and your happiness will be lost once they stop.
We have our entire lives to fall in love and create a family. We have our entire lives to make sacrifices and create partnerships. But for now, in our teens and twenties, I deeply encourage you to focus on yourself, become independent, flourish in your career, and build a life that suits you, for you. Recognize that you are beautiful and worthy of everything this world has to offer, with or without a partner. Recognize what you want to do in this life, how you want to help people, how you want to make an impact. Have fun with your friends – you won’t always have the opportunity to. Dress up and go out, dance your heart out, and sing with your friends. Travel the world, try new foods, meet new people, visit museums, spend time with your family and loved ones. Read about strong independent women, take day trips, apply to the internship you really want, embrace and enjoy your life for yourself.
This past summer I went to Italy. As someone who was not used to solitude for a long time, I struggled to feel and find comfort within myself. As much as relationships are sought, many lose themselves while they are in it. I could not remember what it felt like to be my happy self. For the first time in a long time, I finally felt this overwhelming sense of peace I was so desperately seeking to feel again. I decided to take a trip to escape. I have always loved traveling, I could go anywhere at any time and never get tired of it. Italy is where I found myself again. Italy is where I learned to appreciate how big the little things actually are. I met wonderful friends, drank coffee and wine, wrote articles, interviewed incredible entrepreneurs, danced my heart out, walked through the Colosseum, watched the Italian sunrise, learned about wineries, swam in the bright blue beaches of the Amalfi Coast, and fell asleep while swaying in hammocks that overlooked the lemon trees of the Italian coast. I allowed myself to breathe. I allowed myself to think. I allowed myself to release the ill feelings I had deeply been holding on to. I stopped trying to make sense of the events in my life and learned to enjoy the good things as they come. I understood that everything in this life is temporary, and to take each person I met as a teacher.
We are always going to want to meet someone and have a happily ever after. Everyone is so different, we unfortunately are unable to know if things will or will not work out. The only person whose actions and mentality we can control is our own. The only person who will stay with us forever is ourselves. We can’t give someone else the power to allow our lives to begin. Don’t beat yourself up over being alone. Don’t feel that you are worth less because no one has been able to recognize all of the wonderful things about you. No one can make you feel less unless you allow them to. If you are single, be proud. Be thankful for the clarity and peace of mind. Learn what you’re passionate about and do everything in your power to reach those goals. Recognize that love will come, some maybe later than others. As long as you know that no matter what happens, if you do happen to find yourself alone again, you are always going to be okay.
Value yourself, respect yourself, spend time getting to know yourself, and keep your head up. As women, learning how to feel comfortable with being alone is a skill that will carry you further than anything else. Don’t let this notion of having to be with someone as a way to determine your worth control your life. The male patriarchy wants us to feel inferior when we are alone, but times are changing. Women are strong, independent, resilient, intelligent, graceful and so much more. Be proud of your independence and create a life that suits you, for you.
Thanks,
J