Let’s face it – breakups are the worst. Not only are you no longer with someone you may still love, but it feels like a piece of you is missing. There are now gaping holes in your schedule, which they used to fill, and the daily texts, FaceTimes, and song recommendations are missing. Although it may be difficult to remember when you feel down, you must prioritize yourself after a breakup. As someone who is going through a breakup, I feel you. But instead of constantly wallowing, I found the perfect rebound – me! I’m working on creating the best relationship I can with myself, healing and rediscovering the parts of myself that I lost in my last relationship. Although I am not too far into my journey, I want to share some tips that have helped me in hopes that they help fellow heartbroken gals!
- Listen to your music
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In relationships, we tend to share music with our partners and introduce each other to new artists. If you can’t listen to a playlist without hearing a song that reminds you of your ex, return to the songs you listened to before you dated them. I dated a music lover, and it was hard to listen to any song he introduced me to after we broke up. However, this past month I have been discovering new music and listening to music I loved in high school, which has definitely boosted my serotonin. Finding new music that feels like mine is something I didn’t even realize I missed! If you’re in the same boat, make a new playlist of songs you love that doesn’t remind you of your past relationship. If you need some inspiration, here is what I’ve been listening to since my breakup:
- Out of sight, out of mind
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Although it is extremely difficult, you need to delete everything that reminds you of your ex. Whether it be Instagram posts, pictures in your camera roll, or Spotify playlists. This one took me a long time; I didn’t want to accept the breakup, but I realized my current peace is more important than holding out hope for the future or romanticizing the past. Going “no contact” is also so important – talking to them is not going to help you move on! Accepting that your person is no longer in your life might feel impossible, but holding on to them is only going to delay your healing. Deleting pictures, and even getting rid of gifts, will remove them from your physical space, allowing less room for them in your thoughts.
- Journal, journal, journal!
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After a breakup, your thoughts feel so chaotic, and it may be difficult to sort them out and think rationally. While therapy can be expensive (although it’s amazing), journaling can be a great alternative to help you release your pent-up anger, sadness, and confusion. Journaling is especially helpful at the beginning of the breakup when your mind and body are in a state of shock. Write about what you miss, what you hated, your anger, and your sadness. All of these points are important to explore when trying to heal, and moving on may be difficult if you’re holding out hope for a possible future. Journaling can help you reconcile with everything and gain acceptance. If you want to journal but don’t know where to start, journal prompts are a great place to begin. These breakup journal prompts from Silk and Sonder may help you answer some questions you have been avoiding, or they can help bring clarity to your situation.
- Make new friends
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This one might be the most important – make new friends! Meeting new people will help solidify the beginning of a new chapter and introduce some new characters. When we’re in relationships, we tend to spend a lot of our time with our partners, and rightfully so. Our friendships might experience unintentional neglect, and we might be scared to branch out if we’re attached to our partner. Now that I’m single, I have shifted that focus and attention I had in my relationship back to my friends! I’ve been working on strengthening my current friendships as well as making new friends. If you know someone that you want to get closer to, ask them to get lunch or coffee. At the beginning of the semester, I asked a new friend if she wanted to grab lunch, and now we get together once every two weeks. I have gotten really close with people in organizations I’m a part of, and I feel like I’m finally finding my circle! Putting yourself out there is the first and scariest step, but it will pay off.
Breakups are tough, and heartbreak can be crippling. Just remember to take it one day at a time and don’t be afraid to lean on those you love. We got this!