Growing up we are embedded with fantasies of extravagant Valentine’s Day gifts from admirers or those in which we form monogamous relationships with. As young girls, we are shown and told our worth derives from the attention and gifts we receive from male partners. In school, when a young girl receives flowers from a boy, her Valentine’s Day is complete. In commercials, we see women’s faces light up when they receive beautifully expensive types of jewelry from a man. Only when external validation is received do smiles, security, and feelings of beauty begin to grow. We allow our girls to feel down when they are not noticed or appreciated on days like today. We allow our girls to believe they are not beautiful enough. Not worthy enough. Not special enough.
I want to change the narrative.
Valentine’s Day, while some love it and others loathe it, can become a new story that we tell ourselves. Valentine’s Day is a day to love and be loved. Whether it be expressing love and gratitude for the relationship a mother and daughter may have, maybe sister to sister, or friend to friend. But most importantly, I believe Valentine’s Day should be a day to let ourselves know just how much we love and appreciate our own life. The only person who will stick by us from the moment we are born to the day we leave this Earth is ourselves. Yet the person we are hardest on is ourselves. We allow our minds to believe we must be in search of our other half. We build a narrative that creates negative internal self-talk in times of loneliness. I want young girls to know that being alone on this day or any day is in no way a sign of weakness or inferiority. Being alone does not determine or dictate your value as a being on this Earth. There should be no search, for we are whole beings all on our own and no one can take that away from you.
I am choosing love on this Valentine’s Day, but for the first time in a long time, it will be expressing self-love and the love I have for my family and friends. It will be a day to remind myself how far I have come and how much further I have yet to go. It will be a day to dress up, wear makeup, and go out with friends because I, like all of you deserve to feel immensely and unapologetically beautiful on Valentine’s Day, with or without a partner.
I believe we can use this day to express our love for anything. We can love the home that shelters us on cold winter nights. We can love the smell of freshly brewed coffee in the morning before the rest of the world wakes up. We can love the painted colors of warm pinks, orange, and maybe even violet as a day begins to set. We can love the fact we are blessed with eyesight to watch films or look at the way someone’s face lights up when they’re happy. We can love the fact we are blessed with hearing to listen to the music that makes our hearts dance and skip a beat. We can fall in love with simplistic things over and over again if we are willing to look at life through a child’s perspective. I am in love with the chaos and hardships of my life because I know that what is waiting on the other side of pain lies the most beautifully lit path I have ever known. I am in love with learning. I am in love with spreading and receiving light from like-minded individuals. I am in love with this life because with all good things everything must eventually come to an end. I will not let loneliness on this beautiful holiday ever make me feel that what I have isn’t enough.
I hope you all choose to love yourselves this Valentine’s Day, because as the new narrative goes: We can choose the stories we allow to dictate our lives. We can love and treat ourselves on this day, because there is no one else who deserves our love more.
Thank you,
J