For those who don’t know me, my full legal name is Barakah Angel Iqbal. For most of my life, I went by my first name, Barakah, in all areas of my life (home, school, etc.). Over the course of my life, I also realized that for some reason, many people REFUSE to pronounce my name properly, despite it being pronounced the way it is spelled. It doesn’t help that there are two ways to pronounce my name: the Arabic way and the African way. People also butcher my name, calling me “Barak” in odes to our former president. When I correct them and remind them of the extra “ah” at the end of my name, most people refuse to acknowledge their mistake. I also get made fun of and “Obama jokes” thrown my way, which I snap back just as quickly. All of this turmoil and stress has led me to want to change my name, as this has been a life-long problem.
I don’t have much of a connection with my name, except for painful memories associated with it. For years, I wished I was named something simple like “Nicole” or “Samantha.” It wasn’t until I got older that I realized I can change my name whenever I want! I have not made a legal change (yet?), but during my junior year of college, I told people at work and in my campus organizations that my name was “Rocky.” This was a cute nickname, and my friends still call me this. It kind of sounds like my name, but much easier for people to pronounce. However, now that I am nearing the end of my college journey, I don’t think I want to be associated with the infamous boxer for the rest of my life. I can’t really imagine myself twenty years in the future, with children (hopefully!), and introducing myself to other moms saying, “Hi, my name is Rocky!” Plus, it is a very masculine name. It was bad enough that people think I am a man by looking at my real name (which is the FEMINIZED version of Barak), but people think I’m manly with the nickname Rocky, too! There has to be a change.
After months and months of trying to figure out names, I for sure thought that the name “Iris” could be a good one. It is the name of a beautiful flower, and one of my favorite characters from the TV show, The Flash. It is also the name of the goddess of rainbows, and I love that association. So a few weeks ago, I changed my name on Facebook to “Iris Iqbal.” Not even two days later, I changed it back to Barakah Iqbal. Why? It didn’t feel right. When my friends congratulated me and started calling me Iris, I felt like something was very, very wrong. I was so confident this would be the name for me, but I couldn’t bring myself to feel like I can be called Iris. A couple of friends are still calling me Iris, and I’m letting them test out the name. But it does not stick for me, at least not right now. I am looking to name myself something more feminine, but fitting. Maybe Delilah, or Avril. I also realize I like names with three syllables, like the name I was born with. Despite all of the stress I am going through now, I am confident that I will someday find a name that makes me extraordinarily happy.