Why I Don’t Want To Be Friends With My Ex

Being friends with an ex is possible in an extremely rare scenario, but it’s very very risky. When trying to be friends with an ex, ask yourself these questions: Will it be good for you in the long run? Is it healthy for you? Is it really necessary?

Recently, I found something scary. A study (link at the bottom) showed that people who displayed “dark personality traits” such as narcissism and psychopathy were more likely to stay friends with their exes. Does this sound familiar to some of you? It was also found that the recurring reason why people preferred to stay close with their ex was for “sexual or practical reasons.” 

One will terribly attempt to comfort the other by saying, “we can still be friends,” but that doesn’t always turn out to happen, and it shouldn’t happen for these reasons:

You still love them

You’re just going to make it more painful for yourself in the long run. Move on. And no, you’re (probably)not getting back together. They could potentially use you to their advantage and that sucks, which is exactly my next reason on why you shouldn’t be friends with an ex:

They could use you to their advantage

Ever had that one ex that would only hit you up when they were drunk and horny? I have. If you still have a soft spot for them it’s hard to bring yourself to completely ending contact, (even when they’re being rude as hell). Take my advice and respect yourself by deleting and blocking them. Sounds harsh, but you gotta do what you gotta do. You deserve so much more than that.

They still have feelings for you

Also, have some respect for your ex. It can create an unhealthy relationship where the other is vulnerable and has a genuine weak spot for you. Don’t use them to your advantage either- you’re better than that.  

It could (potentially) ruin current relationships

Respect your new partner. Remaining friends with an ex could hurt a new partner’s trust in you. From my personal experience in relationships, have respect for your new partner. Please.

It could keep you from new opportunities with other people

I see those of you who are trying to win your ex back. Stop putting in all that effort and let it go. You’re missing out on so many opportunities. 

You feel bad for them

Give your ex some space. If you did something to hurt them and want to make it better, the best way is to leave them alone and let them heal on their own. 

Yes, the hurt you caused them may be your fault, but their healing is their responsibility. Not yours. 

It is completely human to feel guilty if you hurt them, but what’s done is done. 

Staying friends does not make it easier

In fact, it usually makes it worse and it gets messy. 

You could potentially end up sleeping together

Which is more tempting when you’re friends with an ex. Don’t lie, we all (mostly) wanna get laid, but refrain from doing that with your ex. Also, if you have an ex that will only text you when they’re drunk and horny, delete and block them. 

You just don’t need that negative energy

Word. 

Things didn’t end mutually

Even more of a reason to not stay friends with an ex. Either you got hurt, or they hurt you. 

But what if you were friends before?

When asking my friend Margaret for her opinion on being friends with an ex, she told me, “You cannot un-develop feelings. For example, if you were friends with them before, and wanted to return to that friendship, the [romantic] feelings can still be there. It’s also about self-preservation.”

Word.

In some cases, it is still possible. With one of my exes we’re friendly towards each other, but we’re not talking like we’re friends. If your ex is in the same friend group as you, it’s somewhat possible to be civil and friendly, but it’s not a good idea to hang out with them one on one, or to talk to each other on a regular basis. 

In conclusion, being buddy-buddy with your ex is just unnecessary. Delete and block.

The study link: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0191886916302690

• ex
• friends
• relationships