The 5 Stages of Pulling An All-Nighter

That time of year has come once again. Professors have decided to grace us with papers, exams, and assignments all conveniently due on the same day. Procrastination has gotten the best of you, and now you’re left with no other option: you have to pull an all-nighter. Here are the five stages that follow.

1. Stress

You stare at your planner with misery. Your “to-do” list is so long that you won’t be able to eat or sleep for days. You really don’t want to, but you know that an all-nighter is inevitable. Then you proceed to question whether or not you should drop out.

1. Denial

“I don’t have to stay up all night! I’ll just wake up early tomorrow!” You tell yourself. It’s a lie. Deep down you know that unless you stay awake, you’ll get nothing done.

1. Acceptance

You’ve reluctantly accepted the fact that you need to stay up. “Dreams don’t work unless you do”, you halfheartedly repeat to yourself. Copious amounts of caffeine are then consumed and you’re ready to get down to business.

1. Productivity

Three cups of Starbucks and two “natural” energy chews in, your productivity level has hit an all time high. You don’t know how you’re functioning, but at this point your brain is working on overdrive. You don’t question it, though, even if everything you’re writing makes absolutely no sense.

1. Regret

You’ve (hopefully) finished all your work, but the sinking realization hits: you have to stay awake and sit through class all day. Your body can’t physically consume any more caffeine, and you walk around like a zombie all day. You feel like the shell of a human being. You promise yourself you’ll never do this to yourself again, although you know it’ll probably have to happen again in a week or so.