I’m going to try not to get sentimental.
As a senior two weeks away from walking across the stage and accepting the result of four years of work with a handshake and a smile, that may be a little hard. But bear with me, I’ll do my best not to fall into too many clichés.
As I reach the end of my time here, though, it can be hard not to romanticize my years as a Belle. It’s far easier to look back and see only the good, the bright, the blissful. After all, as I walk across the stage, it’ll be the heartwarming memories that I’ll carry with me. As I stare up at Le Mans, it’ll be the beautiful moments that will surge in my heart. And as I toss my cap, I can guarantee you I won’t be holding back tears because I’ll miss those long nights in the library.
So I want to take a second here and now, while I’ve still got the buffer of finals week and the promise of a few more late-night library sessions, to recognize that my years at Saint Mary’s were nothing close to perfect. I’m sure that comes as a surprise to no one because let’s face it, college is messy.
There are ups and downs and twists and turns and spills and falls and sometimes, we can’t find the energy to clean it all up. Thank goodness for good coffee and good friends or there are some weeks where I don’t think I would have made it out alive. But those weeks and those falls are just as much a part of my college experience. And as I look back, I recognize them for what they were: necessary.
There are nights when I stayed in and ended up having the worst case of FOMO, and there are nights I went out when I probably (read: definitely) should have stayed in and finished a paper instead. I’ve cried behind closed doors over test-stress and homesickness, and I’ve had tears rolling down my face in the company of friends from laughing over nothing. I’ve said things I regret and wish I could steal back, and I’ve kept in words that I wish I would have shared, that now sit like a stone on my chest. I’ve doubted that I picked the right classes, the right major, even the right school, right up until senior year.
But as I take in these moments together, the impossibly highs and the dangerously lows, a pattern emerges. Throughout it all, I’ve kept moving forward. I’ve grown as a woman and changed as an individual. I’ve learned an important truth:
Your decisions will not make or break you. They will build you.
Each one seems so weighted in the moment, but they don’t completely alter our life path because we don’t have a life path yet. These years are about constructing our plans and sometimes destructing them and starting all over again. They’re about making a lot of wrong choices because figuring out what you don’t want is just as vital as determining what you do want.
When I look back at these four years now, before I’m blinded by graduation-goodbye-blues, I can see very clearly the reality of my time at Saint Mary’s. I can see that I’ve lost some, and I’ve won some. I can see that college is a transitory phase, not the end all be all. I can see that for better or for worse, I am the product of these past four years.
I am a writer who seems to spend more time with writer’s block than I do writing. I am a perfectionist when it comes to my grades and reckless when it comes to budgeting. I am a dedicated student, and a shamelessly terrible dancer. I am a friend who is kind and compassionate but also impatient and thoughtless at times. I am a daughter of God who fails again and again but trusts in a Father who loves me more than I can understand.
I am a woman who doesn’t have all the answers but does have passions and hopes for a future that my time here has prepared me for.
For better or for worse, this is who I have I have become. This is who I am and who I will leave this school and face the world as. And I have every experience—the tragic falls and the mountain top victories—to thank for that.
And lastly, you should know that they’re all true—the clichés. These years fly by. Soak it all in. Appreciate where you are. Cherish the friends you make. Embrace opportunities to meet new ones. Grab ahold of these moments with both hands because time will do its best to slip away from you and before you know it, you’ll be a senior looking back at your years here, all the ups and all the downs, telling the younger students to enjoy each moment because time flies.