How to Repair Squad Friendships When You’re Fighting

From someone who went through a rough patch with her friends last semester, I would like to help any possible smick squads that are currently squabbling. Personally, my breaking point came somewhere between January and February last semester. My friends and I were not on the same page anymore. We never had big arguments, but there was always a strong amount of tension at the dinner table whenever we ate. It seemed like the little problems we had against each other were only piling up.

I felt that my friends and I had changed in different directions; we weren’t the naïve and accepting freshmen that spent their weekends watch movies and baking treats anymore. Our lives were now too different to find common ground. One of my friends I wasn’t fighting with pointed out that we had changed, but we still did the same things, as if we were wearing old t-shirts that didn’t fit anymore and pretending it was fine.

It was a dark semester, I felt myself relating to the lyrics of “Ignorance” by Paramore.

Before you think this article is about losing friendship, let me say, it gets happy! After listening to “Ignorance” for the five hundredth time, I looked up the meaning and found out that Hayley Williams wrote it about her band mates because they also were going through a rut. After discussing their feelings they rediscovered each other and their friendship. With this inspiration, my friends and I have embarked on rediscovering each other. Here are ways to retool your ever growing, ever changing friendships:

1. Speak up if you feel like things aren’t working in your squad. Sometimes we’re uncomfortable talking about our feelings and having them get hurt if people disagree, especially if we’ve been feuding with these people. But our friends should know how we feel if we mean something to each other. They may be feeling like things aren’t working too.  

2. Try different things when hanging out with your friends. Maybe instead of having a night in watching films, have some nights out away from Saint Mary’s. Go do things you haven’t done with each other, like going to soccer games, hip hop night, or downtown South Bend. We get frustrated when things become routine.

3. Take time to relearn each other. One night this semester, my friends and I went around a table complimenting each person and talking about why we like them. We became friends with each other for a reason after all. It’s nice to be appreciated and we should show it more. Sometimes we fall into routine when we don’t take time to listen to each other. Ask Newly Wed Game type questions, you’ll discover surprising answers about each other. 

4. Accept that you are all different people now. Freshman me wore a lanyard around her neck. One of my best friends wrote all of her papers on a tablet freshman year. Senior year, we’re more responsible. I’m glad I’ve changed and so have my friends. Our friends here are the ones who get us through our struggles at Saint Mary’ we need to hold on to each other more now than ever. Like well written television characters, we grow for the better. When bad times here hit, these people are the one we cling to. 

5. Avoid arguments. Personally, I know this is hard; sometimes you know you’re just right. But for the sake of saving your friendships, just back down. Your friends aren’t worth a fight if it’s just going to annoy you both further. Whether one friend has a new best friend or if philosophy majors would survive the apocalypse are stupid reasons to wedge us all away.

6. Avoid bitterness and talk about what you love. College is tough, but it’s also straining on relationships when all we do is complain. We tend to avoid miserable people because they drag us down. We love having our friends be excited about things, even when they’re things we’re not into. Your friend is excited about another Nicholas Sparks film coming out soon, that’s great! Happiness attracts people and brings us closer. 

Squads fight. We fight about little things, we fight about big things, but it’s important to remember that these people are the same ones you care about. If it’s becoming a problem, don’t ignore it. The amazingness that is your friends is worth fighting for.