Junior year, baby. That’s right, this means upperclassman, Le Mans hall (in my case), and obviously, class ring. Along with all the glorious perks that coincide with this year, I’ve made a new (school) year’s resolution.
I’m challenging myself to fear less.
Let it be known those are two separate words, that I am no 2008 Taylor Swift, I am not fearless. To be fearless is to lack fear, and boy, am I far from that. As I finished my second week of classes, I reluctantly discovered that junior year was going to start by leaping jumping falling head-first into the semester. Let’s be honest, they’re easier said than done—resolutions, that is. And as I’m looking ahead at all the work and the stress and the, doubtless, solid amount of uncomfortable situations I will be faced with this year, I’m feeling almost as if I’ve dug myself into a hole (and oh so early into the year).
When I drove down the Avenue for the first time as a Saint Mary’s student, back in the fall of 2014, I knew I had year of change ahead of me. I was meeting new people and attending a wide range of classes. On my own for the first time, I was truly figuring out who I was as a person. Along with this change came a challenge. I was no longer in classes with people I had known since kindergarten, I was now surrounded by confident, empowering women. I was opened to new perspectives and new possibilities. But that was just it—everything was new.
It wasn’t that I hated new things, but I have this fear, one that may be familiar to many.
The unknown.
My fear of the unknown became greater as time went on, and I convinced myself that settling for certainty was okay. I was blinded to the ways that I held myself back. It was things that seemed like no big deal, simple things. I would hold myself back from participating in class, or from joining clubs, because I had this anxiety when it came to the possibility of being wrong, or failing. In reality, all of these fears that I had built up were full of “what ifs.”
So at the beginning of 2016, I planned for my semester abroad, and I promised myself I would fear less. This resolution started with simple tasks, like asking someone for directions or conversing with the Irish student next to me in class. Going abroad taught me a lot, but one of the greatest lessons I took away from my experience was that embarrassment does not last a lifetime (contrary to what I once told myself). Just because I went abroad doesn’t mean my resolution is over, in fact I still find myself struggling to speak up in class or have confidence when it comes to applying for a new job or internship. But as I fall into this semester, I feel like I have already made accomplishments toward my goal. I’ve joined clubs (yay, go HerCampus!), I’ve volunteered in class, and I’m learning to take the unexpected as it comes.
Whatever year you might be, freshman or senior, consider setting your own new (school) year’s resolution. It could be something as simple as staying in touch with your family, visiting your professor in office hours, or taking time to unplug and breathe. So here’s to a semester of new opportunities and a semester of continuing to fear less. I’m looking forward to maintaining my new year’s resolution not just to the end of this year but always, because it still takes the daily reminder of a sticky note on my desk to “fear less”.