Ring Envy

It’s 10:30 brunch. Junior year. First home weekend. When I walked into the Student Center, I saw a huge group of giggly, excited girls gathered in one corner. The crowd was too thick for me to see the table they stood at, but then I heard the word “rings” thrown out. Oh.

I went in the DH, not bothering to try and squeeze my way through the pack to the highly-anticipated Balfour Ring table. Bacon over Balfour, am I right?

But at brunch, instead of talking about the previous night or excitement for the game, all anyone could talk about was rings: colors, sizes, stones, engravings. My heart sped up just listening to them gush about their ring orders, and I knew I’d never forgive myself if I at least didn’t try.

So, after brunch, instead of retreating back to Le Mans, I marched right up to the now less-crowded Balfour table, and said, “I’m not sure I have enough credits to order a ring. Do you have a list of students?”

The lady checked her list for my name then looked up at me with a sympathetic smile. “No, I’m sorry, sweetie. Try again when you’re a junior.”

But, I am a junior. Or at least I feel like one.

Last spring, my eating disorder took over my life, literally. Significantly underweight and too scared to ever eat, I had no choice but to take the semester off to get the treatment I needed. I am so glad I took the time to get help- I’m much happier and healthier than I was. But, the semester off came with consequences, least of all being a whole semester of credits behind. Though I’m still be on track to graduate Spring 2018, my number of credits (or lack thereof) mean I’m not yet eligible to buy a ring.

When I hear my friends talk about how they’ve ordered their rings, I try my hardest to feel excited with them. They talk about what color stone they chose and what they decided to get engraved on the inside, and all their rings sound so perfect, and I’m excited for them, really! But I’d be lying if I said every ring conversation didn’t leave me a little jealous, every time one of my friends receives their ring in the mail, I feel a pang in my heart.

As rings are popping up in the mail, everyone’s gushing over each other’s and posting their #ringsdoingthings Instagrams, and I’m watching on with some serious FOMO. They aren’t just beautiful rings, they’re symbols of what it means to be a Saint Mary’s smick. The diamond we wear on our fingers are a symbol of the sisterhood we share, and my fingers are empty.

Anorexia stole a lot of things from me, but most of all, it stole my chance to ring in junior year with the rest of my Belles. Now, all I’m left with is a lot of ring envy. For now, I’m (trying) to look on the positive side- I can see everyone’s color and stone choices before I make my final decision, ensuring my ring will be everything I want and more. And, while everyone else is competing against other ring pics for those Insta likes, my ring Insta will be a shining light from the South Bend permacloud.

Come January, when I finally have enough credits to order one, my ring won’t be “just a ring” to me- it’ll be a symbol of everything I love about Saint Mary’s, and it’ll be a symbol of everything I went through to get to where I am now. I may have ring envy today, but soon, I’ll be ringing with my Belles.

Photo courtesy of Emily Lenahan.