If I have learned anything in the last couple months of my life and of this new chapter of mine — starting a new job, finally joining adulthood (20 years old!), entering my fourth semester of college, beginning my fitness journey, taking over some new roles in my clubs, dedicating a couple days a week to watch my little brothers — it has all been so much to take in and it hasn’t been easy, I wouldn’t even say it’s been fun because it really hasn’t. But it has been so rewarding; so completely and utterly rewarding. While some of these things were bound to happen and I didn’t have much control over, there are a few that I have been holding off on for what seems like months or years. My biggest obstacle was facing the things that I claimed I didn’t have — the time, the energy, the motivation. All of those things I think we all struggle with finding enough of.
I loved my job, but I knew there was something better out there for me and I just needed to find it. I loved my body, but I knew there was a better way to take care of it and I just needed to figure out how. I loved sitting in my comfort zone and never challenging myself because I am fearful of change and fearful of failure. This is still true. However, I am straying further and further away from the plateau of comfort that I, regrettably, have sat in for longer than I would like to admit. As cheesy and basic as it sounds, I really did just wake up one day and decide I was bored with myself and my standpoint in life. Not only that, but that it didn’t have to be that way. It sounds so fake to say that but it is the truth. Turning 20 was a big deal for me, it made me sad and worried for my future and that it was rattling towards me so quickly and I had no power to stop it. Again, this is still true. After years and years of being told this same sentence over and over again, it finally made sense with that new adulthood that came with the ring of my birthday: life is not that serious. Not everything has to be so tense, or cut and dry, or perfect. I can enjoy things that I’m not necessarily good at and I can get better. But improvement and progress is slow. It requires consistency and discipline. It is so much harder than sitting in comfort, the plateau that knows you like the back of your hand. It is so much more fearful than not forcing yourself to experience the things you aren’t good at and don’t know how they will end. It is so much more rewarding than the never ending.
Letting go of the things that were holding me back and fearfully stepping to the things that benefit my future and my body has changed my perspective on the never ending cycle of the world turning and turning. The sun is always going to come back up and I only have so many sunrises to watch. Life is hard and confusing and old just as much as it is freeing and exciting and new. Take stalk in that.