Behind The Scenes

You try so hard

So hard

You try to be perfect

Not for anyone else

But for you

You tell yourself be confident

Be proud

If no one will show you off, show yourself off

Wear that crop top

Free the fupa

Free the stretch marks

Free the cellulite

Free the rolls

Let it hang out for everyone to see

What will they do?

Call you fat?

…State the obvious?

Call you ugly?

Say cover it up?

Of course not

…Cowards

Instead…

They whisper

Laugh behind your back

Stare with discomfort and look away

Make jokes

You know, the things that eat you up inside for years…

You’ve seen it all, girl

You’ve heard it all

From strangers, family, & friends

It doesn’t even surprise you anymore

You’ve learned how to cope

Yet…

You never forget

You remember every time you look in the mirror

One day, you just say “Enough!”

You give in

You eat the weightless salads

You damn near kill yourself on the treadmill

You run

…Knowing damn well you can’t even put your jeans on without running out of breath

You start the diet

Eat the foods you can’t pronounce or spell

You break your pockets

Over food you don’t like

Or a gym membership you despise

All for what?

Acceptance?

A compliment?

A smile instead of a stare?

No

It’s for inner peace

To look in the mirror and not believe what they say

Something you’ll never obtain

…As long as you do it for them

A sad story indeed

Yet my own

Some stories have an endings…

This one’s still unwritten.

• national poetry month
• poetry