The early moments in life are what I remember the most.
Running down the hallway of my house with a single white t-shirt on at the precious age of one,
finger painting handprints for my loved ones, or playing with my little sister after school.
All of these moments are unique and special to me because in very tedious ways, they helped to
cultivate the woman that I am now.
Although there were many happy moments, there were sad moments that in some way
implemented a deeper effect on me.
These moments aided in my insecurities, my doubts, and my everlasting trauma that still plays a
pivotal part in my life. My tenacity is what keeps a smile on my face throughout the day, but at
night intrusive thoughts invade my peace.
Throughout the day I pretend to be someone I’m not.
At night I want to be anything other than myself.
I want to be a free spirit, I want to be beautiful, I want to be confident, I want to be brilliant, I
want to be exempt from criticism, I want to be healed, I want to be seen, I want to be anything
other than me. Others may see me as many of these things, however the reality of it all is that I
hardly see myself as any of these things.
At a young age many girls are taught to be anything other than confident, and I was no different.
I was taught to be meek, mild, quiet. I was taught to never be the loudest, most passionate, most
opinionated person in the room.
Growing up without a father figure to teach me the importance of loving myself as a woman was
tough. Growing up with a single mother who was constantly ridiculed or devalued when trying to
love herself was even tougher and as years passed I began to understand that the thought of my
existence should be seen as less within this world.
With each year of my childhood, my trauma continued to grow into other things. It grew into
social anxiety, it grew into a constant feeling of loneliness, and it grew into a lack of
self-confidence.
With each year I work on my trauma and the effects of it. My biggest wish is that one day my
trauma will go away entirely, but I know that will never happen because it began at the most vital
phase of my life, my childhood.
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Savannah chapter.