By Sierra Norwood
Why is it that as women we often go into hermit mode after a failed or unsuccessful relationship. It is almost as
if after a relationship we “protect” ourselves by refusing, sabotaging and killing any thought of love or affection
that comes our way. To us, we are protecting ourselves from future hurt and let down as our disappointing
experiences with “love” have always shown, the heartbreak could have been avoided from the start if certain red
flags were better paid attention to. While it is good to always look out for red flags in the beginning of the
relationship, you must also look out for your own red flags and make sure to think about if your self-sabotaging
something that can grow into the relationship of your dreams. The next time love visits you, here are a few
things you can keep in mind so that you do not self sabotage yourself and your relationship.
- Every relationship is different.
Do not expect for one relationship to go just like another. Do not put new partners in boxes with past partners
who have failed you. This is one of the biggest ways that we fall into self sabotage. It is okay and a great feeling to
be able to experience new things in love. That is the gift, when one relationship fails us, we have another
opportunity to meet somebody better. Open your mind to experiencing new and exciting things that love may
have to offer. - There is no time limit on falling in love. Love follows no clock or timed schedule. You may fall in love in 3
days, 3 weeks or even 3 months. You could know the love of your life for years and not even realize it. You may
also find yourself rekindling a love from your past and falling in love again with someone from previous
relationships. Some people find their soulmates young, while others may not find them until they are well into
adulthood, and that is okay! You cannot put a time on love as there is no one time where love cannot find you. - Compromises are apart of relationships. Everything will not always go your way and that is not a bad thing!
Compromises are a very normal thing in relationships and do not mean that you are settling for less.
Compromises show that you respect your partner enough to make changes that accommodate their needs as
well. - Honesty is the foundation for success in a relationship.
Do not be afraid to voice concerns. Be straightforward about what you want and what you will not accept. Do
not lie about past experiences and mistakes. Your partner will love and respect you either way if you got the
right one. - You’ll always know. Listen to gut feeling and always trust your instincts when it comes to love. Often if you
think about a situation over and over and come to a point that you are dwelling on it, it is more than just self-
sabotage. Like stated in point 4, be straight up about your feelings with your partner and if that is a problem,
they simply are not the one for you.