You’re not a pessimist. It’s just faulty thinking.
1.) Stop and think.
From open-ended texts to overheard whispering, it’s easy to question if we’ve done something to anger the people around us. These ambiguous situations make it easy to assume the worst—that things are falling apart and we’ve lost control over our relationships. But leaving time to reflect can end faulty thinking before we assume the “worst case scenario” and act on our emotions.
2.) Talk it out.
Whether we do some self-reflection or talk with a friend, it’s important to talk out our sometimes-irrational thoughts before they become our reality. Being realistic about our feelings is nothing to be afraid of because we’re entitled to them. Getting a friend’s input and considering what they have to say is crucial because sometimes other people catch our faulty thinking more easily than we do.
3.) Consider the alternatives.
After talking things out, it’s important to consider possible alternatives to our negative thoughts by thinking about everything that could be influencing our friend’s actions instead of immediately assuming we’re the cause of their bad mood. Stress is unavoidable in a world full of exams and papers, so it’s more than likely we’re not to blame for those passive-aggressive texts.
4.) Make a decision.
After evaluating whether or not we may have influenced our friends upset, we have to make a decision on what could be causing the hostility. More often than not, we’ll come to the conclusion that faulty thinking is to blame for assuming the worst.
5.) Be honest.
Friendship is rooted in honesty, so we shouldn’t fear asking our friends if we’ve done something to upset them. In essence, it’s just important we do some analyzing before impulsively internalizing their negativity and assuming it’s a personal attack. Whether we conclude that we’re to blame or not, it’s important to tell our friends that their texting seems hostile and their actions feel like a personal attack. They’ll likely work towards avoiding this confusion, through openly sharing the stresses that affect their mood, and start assuring us there’s no reason to assume the negative.