To anybody who clicked on this article to talk about golf, sorry to disappoint but that is not what we are here for.
I am prone to looking to the future. It’s not set in stone, and I have no idea what it looks like, but I look at it all the time. There’s so much that can happen in such a short amount of time, and the fact that I have no control over most of it terrifies me. But me being me, of course, I have a backup plan… and a backup to the backup.
There is one major goal in life for me. I want to have the family that I didn’t have growing up. I want a life with adventure, vacations, a stupid little picket fence, and a tire swing on a big oak tree in the front yard. I want to be able to not live a routine that barely gets me by, and I truly think that isn’t too much to ask for. I put the work in for what I want, and I firmly believe that what is worked for is earned.
But what about when it isn’t?
There lingers the thoughts that maybe I won’t graduate. Maybe I don’t meet the love of my life, or hell, maybe I do but then there is some other driving force that sweeps them away. Maybe I can’t conceive, or maybe I’m stuck in that loop of repetition that makes me dread waking up to face it again.
Or what about the other side of everything I want?
I also want to spend my life traveling. A few close friends, no children of my own, surprise visits back home, and a glass of wine on a balcony in Paris also sounds like a dream.
I’ve talked to so many women in my life who all say they had to make sacrifices to obtain both sides of what I want. But what I want is balance. I want to do it all, but unfortunately, that’s not always possible. So now, where do I go?
This fork in the road is one that I’ve been looking at forever. What would happen if I just continued to walk straight?
That is uncertainty wrapped with the most obnoxious bow of anxiety. To pick, not a path, but to walk straight into the tree line, moving only to avoid immediate obstacles.
Well here’s the thing. If I continue to walk straight, my kids will have everything they need. I will have a partner that loves me, once I figure out how I want to be loved. I will have my damn tire swing, for my OWN use. I will enjoy exotic vacations, alone, with a friend, with a partner, and later on with a family. I will have my balance.
Whatever I have in store for me, whatever the world has in store for me, is exactly what I want. I will end up with the perfect balance of both sides. It’s not manifesting the future, because this is already happening. I am EXACTLY where I want to be in life, even if I can’t see the whole picture right now. I am already an ice-cold Arnold Palmer. The right amount of tea, the right amount of lemonade. I even have a little umbrella and a bendy straw.