Confessions of an Ex-Sorority Girl

Okay, I admit it, I trapped you with the word “confessions.” So, if you clicked on this article looking for a spillage of all the dark secrets of college Greek life, you’ll be sorely disappointed, because this is most definitely the opposite. 

Let’s start with a brief introduction: Hi, I’m Sofi and I transferred to St. Bonaventure University this past Fall from a larger public school in Ohio.

Though it was for the best, something I miss dearly about my former college is Greek life. And I know what you’re thinking. At this very moment, as you read this, every negative thing you have ever heard about Greek life is flooding to the front of your brain: hazing, paying for friends, lack of diversity. Trust me, I’ve heard it all the same, and it certainly exists. I am not denying the fact that many Greek life institutions have extreme, and often dangerous, issues that need to be put in check. However, I’m here to tell you that this is not true of all colleges and is certainly not true of my own sorority and experience with the Greek life system. 

So, without further ado, here are some standouts from my time in college Greek life:

1. Recruitment 

Okay, I’ll be completely honest, recruitment is A LOT. I registered for sorority recruitment without being totally sure of whether I actually wanted to go through with it, and then decided the night before on a whim that I would give it a shot, knowing I could drop at any time. Recruitment was eight days long and spread across two weekends during which we broke the ice with countless girls from various chapters. I bounced from building to building in the cold, blizzard-like conditions of early February, mini dresses unglamorously tucked into sweatpants, makeup being hurriedly reapplied after being seemingly blown off by the wind and wet, squeaky boots being exchanged for high heels before the doors opened and we were met with the bright, cheery faces of our potential future sisters. Oh, and then finishing the night off with the school work I was juggling at the same time. 

Respect the hustle. 

I like to compare recruitment to a runner’s high. Though the schedule was TIGHT and stress levels were running HIGH, looking back on my experience, I could not be prouder of myself for putting myself out there and making a true effort to find my home-away-from-home. Even writing about my experience gives me a sort of thrill. Like, yeah, I went through sorority recruitment and came out the other side saying, and?

Or, in the words of the ever-iconic Elle Woods, “What, like it’s hard?”

Anyways, I was truly shocked about how wrong I was about the Greek life at my school, especially after I met the girls in my sorority for the very first time. It was day three of recruitment, and I instantly knew there would be only one place for me. As I grew more attached to the idea of finding a home amongst these women, I also grew more anxious. It was like the recruitment process was suddenly real now, I wasn’t just doing it to alleviate my FOMO. I remember during the last day of preference round, one of the initiated girls said “Look at the women around you. These are your potential sisters.” Looking around at the group of women I was lined up with, I knew instantly that I had made the right choice in pursuing recruitment.

I do confess that on bid day, with anxiety at peak levels and patience being nonexistent, I pressed my envelope against the card that laid inside, the card that seemingly held my fate, and I read the name of the sorority offering me a bid through the paper. And so, it was then that I had to try to hide my huge smile during the ten-second countdown as if I didn’t already know I had received a bid from the only sorority I desired to be a part of, following which I tore into my envelope with no less greed than a kid on Christmas morning. 

2. Big-Little Reveal

Oh my gosh. I will forever miss my big and g-big (or grand-big for those not familiar – my big’s big), as well as the rest of my sorority family. Basically, in the three-ish weeks following bid day, we new members had the opportunity to go on little dates with members of the previous pledge class who would be taking littles that year. At first, I was in a complete panic. Big-little reveal felt like the most critical part of sorority life. What if no one wanted to take me to be their little? What if I didn’t meet anyone who I wanted to be my big? To make matters worse, I fell extremely ill the first week after recruitment and missed out on a week of events and opportunities to meet my big. 

But my hopes returned during the second week of big-little dates, when I first met my future big. She reached out to me after recognizing me from a class we were unknowingly taking together. And though I sort of figured it out in the days leading up to the big reveal (I still take pride over the hints I masterfully asked for on a daily basis), I was no less excited when the sheet in front of me dropped to reveal that she was indeed my big, and I was inducted into THE BEST family in my whole sorority (my unbiased opinion). 

Having a big is like having a big sister at your school. As I was still becoming used to attending school without my twin sister by my side, I was beyond grateful for the womanly mentorship and easy friendship I found in my own big, as well as in other members of my sorority family.

3. Embracing Womanhood

Growing up, particularly in late elementary school and middle school, I was a complete tomboy. I openly rejected anything that would be associated with girlhood: I hated painting my nails, I never wore skirts or dresses or sandals, and I wore a high ponytail, complete with an athletic headband and *no bumps* every day to school. My wardrobe consisted solely of Under Armour hoodies, black leggings (still a staple), and sneakers. Though I have done a complete 180 since then, joining my sorority took embracing womanhood and femininity to a whole ‘nother level.

Sorority recruitment was one of the first times I can remember really relishing in the fact that I was a woman, as well as one of the first times I remember feeling truly heard when describing my more feminine interests. I wasn’t being called “basic” for my love for Harry Styles or chai tea lattes with vanilla cold foam. There were no condescending snickers when I got to show off my new nails and the dress I had brought from home specifically for recruitment. And, maybe most importantly, I didn’t feel like I was competing with the women around me. The girls were genuine, energetic and welcoming. 

What I loved the very most was the motto that my sorority stands for: “To be womanly always, discouraged never.” I always thought this was such a beautiful sentiment and one I still think about and choose to live by. It reminds me not to feel ashamed for pursuing my own femininity, to wear it on my sleeve with pride.  

After transferring, I worried that I would never find the same female camaraderie that I had once been a part of. However, since finding Her Campus this semester at SBU, I was once again proven wrong. I have found a sisterhood amongst a group of talented, passionate women who I am proud to call my friends. Despite it only being my first semester with Her Campus, I was quickly welcomed with open arms and immediately felt a sense of belonging. I am beyond grateful (and now teary-eyed) to have found such a wonderful environment to develop my writing skills, pursue my passions and bond with other like-minded women. 

• #greeklife
• #sorority
• #womanhood