To put it plainly, my life is a mess, or rather it just feels that way all the time.
I have so many plates spinning all the time that I sometimes don’t even remember all my obligations … like oops I am supposed to be going to therapy every week, but that has sort of fallen by the wayside.
A lot of other people have a lot of obligations too and they can stay on top of it all.
So, what’s distracting me from staying on top of my duties?
I’m feeling an intense amount of dysphoria returning to school this year.
This summer I spent six weeks doing my dream job. Writing for a newspaper is my dream and I got to do it this summer. I loved every second of it and could have kept doing it forever and ever.
But it ended.
And then I had to return to school. I love my friends and roommates and my townhouse. And normally I love classes and getting back into a routine. Now that I’m a senior I have a little more freedom over the classes I take and can choose some that are a little more interesting to me.
However, I chose those courses last semester before I did my internship.
Now that I know what it is like to live and work my dream job, I don’t want anything else. Most of my classes this semester and next revolve around my sociology and philosophy minors.
And I am really interested in those topics, but I feel like I’m falling behind in my journalism journey.
I went from being a real journalist, living on my own, earning money for doing what I love to writing thesis papers on juvenile delinquency, learning logical notation, and stressing about every dollar that leaves my bank account.
I know I’ll get back to doing what I love soon enough, and I don’t want to wish away my last year of college (these are supposed to be the best times of my life, you know).
But it is hard to move forward with my life in school when I know what’s waiting for me post-grad.
Thankfully I have an advisor who understands what I’m going through and parents who can calm me down when I work myself up about it.
For now, I’m just trying to focus on the good parts of college I’ll lose after graduation.
I’m living with a bunch of my best friends. I can make my own schedule for the day. My student loans haven’t started accruing interest yet.
And most importantly, I still have time to learn about journalism and make mistakes before it might cost me my job!