It’s that time of the year.
Graduation is three weeks away and…I have no idea on what I’m going to do with my life.
I have finally come to a fork in the path of life. I’m at a standstill where I don’t know which road is the one to take. Right now, I don’t even see a road. There are a dozen questions that float around in my head all day every day.
“Should I consider grad school?”– Well no maybe not right now. I do want to get my master’s degree in something eventually, but I don’t know what. And I definitely want to take a break from schoolwork. But, going to grad school will give me a purpose. It just might not be the right one.
“Should I settle for any job just to make some money?”- I think about this one constantly. LinkedIn does a great job at letting me know other people’s accomplishments. I see the words “first job”, “promotion”, “grad school” constantly. I will admit it makes me feel very sad inside. It feels like everyone around me knows what they will do now. And I don’t. I spent four years studying the journalism field and dipping my feet into criminology. And now it seems like that was all for nothing. I’m using all my resources and coming up with nothing. Which makes me wonder if I should just settle for anything. But, deep down inside I don’t want that.
Going home to Buffalo I’m going to give myself the summer off. I want to genuinely enjoy my summer as a college graduate without worrying about school. I have a job in Buffalo; I work at the country club. I don’t plan on staying there forever but I’m comfortable there for the summer. After that I don’t know.
I don’t know what life or God or the universe has in store for me. I’m very confused and very stressed. It’s hard to let go when I feel like I need to be in control all the time. But right now, I’m grasping for answers that I don’t have. I want to enjoy the last three weeks that I have here before I give it all up.
I feel unsure, I feel lost.
In a way I feel like the Robert Frost poem:
“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could”
I’m a traveler that has come to standstill in the woods of life. Which path should I take? I don’t know.
I believe one day I will.