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SBU | Wellness > Sex + Relationships

He’s just not that into you

Adria Hoadley Student Contributor, St. Bonaventure University
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at SBU chapter and does not reflect the views of Her Campus.

I’ve loved every guy I’ve talked to. Trust me, I know love is a strong word, but I believe that I have felt love for every man I’ve ever had something with. I’m not proud of it, in fact, I’m ashamed of it. Although it’s something that I’ve had a hard time accepting, I’ve come to realize that’s just how I am. I’m the type of girl that puts everything into a relationship. I would do anything for someone I love, even if it hurts me. 

I don’t think I’m a hopeless romantic. Even though I’ve idealized every relationship I’ve had, I was always able to look at it through a different perspective and understand that love isn’t perfect. It’s taken me a long time to realize that there’s nothing wrong with the love I give. The issue is the people that I choose to give it to. 

Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about the love I want rather than the love that I give.  I’m not ashamed of the fact that I’m desperate for a romantic connection. I believe that it’s normal to yearn for the perfect relationship. Everyone deserves to feel loved and appreciated. My issue is that I try to force people to love me. 

I’ve convinced myself that if a relationship isn’t working, I can make it work. If someone doesn’t love me the way that I love them, it’s okay because I will make them love me. I will show them how good of a person that I am and continue to give myself them even if they don’t love me. If someone doesn’t have feelings for me, it’s my fault. I can change myself into the version of myself that they will love. Or can I?  

I’ve tried, and I’ve failed. You can’t force yourself to be the exception, the girl that he will love. The truth is: he’s just not that into me. I’m intelligent, funny, creative, organized, thoughtful, and caring, and he still doesn’t want me. I’m not doing anything wrong, in fact, I’m doing exactly what I should be. 

It’s time to take off the rose-colored glasses and realize that even though I’m everything he wants, he still doesn’t want me. I’m working towards being okay with that. No matter how much I text him or tell him that I miss him, he doesn’t feel the same way. He’s just not that into me. No matter what I do or say, he won’t want a relationship with me. He’s just not that into me, and that’s okay, because some day someone will be. 

Adria Hoadley

SBU '26

Adria Hoadley is a senior at St. Bonaventure University from Union Springs, New York, and this is her third semester writing for Her Campus. Writing has always been her creative outlet, and she loves sharing her voice.

As a psychology major, Adria is passionate about mental health and often uses that topic to motivate her articles. After graduating with her undergraduate degree from SBU in the spring, she hopes to go on and get her master’s degree in school counseling. Apart from Her Campus, Adria is involved with several other clubs on campus and enjoys volunteering in her free time.

Outside of school, Adria enjoys spending time with friends, getting coffee, listening to music, and online shopping. Although she loves a fun night out, she can usually be found staying in and binge-watching Grey's Anatomy while brainstorming ideas for Her Campus articles.