Unfortunately, no, this article is not about the seminal 2012 hit “Just Give Me a Reason” by P!NK. Sorry to all of you raging P!NK stans out there.
While that song is not exactly what this article is about, it does have some roots in what I am going to talk about.
Guys, let’s be real, the process of dating is nerve-wracking and, for a lot of people, brings on more stress and anxiety than it feels worth sometimes. With the societal acceptance of excessively long talking stages as the norm for dating, it feels that there are a lot of boxes to check off in the talking world before one becomes ready to “hard launch”.
All of these social media and societal phenomenons put pressure on those involved to make sure that the stage is clearly set to be able to take the next step forward. This has been something I’ve recently become conscious of as it even trickles into my own self-esteem when thinking about relationships.
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. We know this to be true as a law of motion. There must be a reason someone likes this about me when I either can’t stand it or don’t even notice it about myself. There always must be some extenuating circumstance as to why I could be perceived in this positive light.
When it comes to myself and what others think about me, everything must have a clear and concrete explanation, or else I won’t believe it. I always need some scientific reasoning as to why someone would appreciate certain portions of myself. My actions would or could never elicit an equal and opposite reaction.
I’ve always clung so tightly to Newton’s third law that sometimes I forget about his first law: an object in motion will stay in motion unless acted upon by another force. In other words, I don’t constantly need an itemized list about this person, whether it’s a friend or someone I’m romantically interested. I am being my own “other force”. I am getting in my own way of keeping things in motion, and for what? To sit in bed and wonder what could’ve been when I was the one that was too forceful in my own head to let it stay in motion?
I came to this realization when we were writing letters to our future selves for a Her Campus meeting. I wrote to myself in that moment, saying that all of my friends and others in my life love me and want to grow their relationship with me as a whole person, not a numbered list of justified reasons.
Many people can have the same bulleted list as me, but breaking people down to that does a disservice to the individuality we all are lucky enough to bring to the table.
Be a force for yourself, not against yourself. Let yourself stay in motion, gain that momentum, and maybe you’ll end up somewhere you never even could’ve dreamed of.