Getting help is hard. Sometimes, going through your mental health issues alone feels easier than speaking up about it. The fear of not being able to find the help you need, people not believing you, or being rejected or judged always linger. Sometimes, it’s hard to feel important enough to reach out for help. What if someone else’s problems are worse? What if someone needs the help more? These are common thoughts that can prevent a person from getting help. I can speak from personal experience
I have always struggled with mental health issues. When I was about six, my mom noticed that something wasn’t quite right. I was ion a constant state of anxiety and I felt more intense emotions than other kids my age. I matured quickly for someone of that age, and with that came a wave of feelings that six-year-olds shouldn’t feel. I once told my mom “I just don’t know why I’m so sad all of the time”. Luckily, my mom picked up on these issues pretty quickly and put me into therapy. I remember my first appointment. I walked into a big, red brick building and basically played with sand while an older woman asked me and my mom questions about my everyday life and the emotions I was feeling. After a while, I started to calm down a bit. I wasn’t so anxious all of the time anymore and I was able to live the life that any elementary age kid should live. After a while, things got so busy and I stopped going to therapy.
I was okay for a while. I still was anxious from time to time, but I was living a pretty happy life. After a while, though, things started going downhill. I had constant panic attacks and would cry myself to sleep most nights. I was about 9 years old. My mom did a lot of research and put me back into therapy with a wonderful young woman. She had a massive impact on my life. I told her everything. Her office was full of crayons and bubbles and Play-Doh. I looked forward to my appointments every week. She made me feel seen and heard. After about two years of seeing her, she stopped practicing. Part of me felt betrayed, but I was doing so well at that point, I thought I would be perfectly fine without my weekly appointments.
Let’s fast forward a bit. At age 12, I was a mess, to put it in simple terms. I had no idea what was wrong with me. I simply could not feel happiness. I was miserable all of the time. At first, I thought I could fight through it. It became apparent that I couldn’t. I knew that my mom had put me through therapy in the past and I was afraid that if I went back to therapy, it wouldn’t work anymore. I thought maybe I was desensitized to it. I also knew that therapists were hard to find. I didn’t want to take away the opportunity for someone else to bet the help they needed. There are people out there who need it way more than I do is what I thought. I spent most of my school days in the counselors office crying and trying to find the words to explain what I was feeling. I begged my mom everyday to pick me up from school. I was inconsolable at school. I missed a lot of my classes in middle school. I could not handle being in a room with people watching me, judging me. I felt exiled. Maybe thats why I was so scared to ask for help. In middle school, the stigma around mental health is pretty severe. I once had a kid ask me if I was bipolar. I felt horrible about myself. I was embarrassed.
Of course, I eventually had enough. I knew I needed to say something. I told my mom I needed to see someone again. She did not hesitate. I was so scared walking into that first appointment. I was afraid she would tell me that there was nothing she could do and that I was a lost cause. She didn’t. She welcomed me into her office with open arms and an open heart. I can confidently say that therapy saved my life.
I didn’t deserve to feel afraid to reach out. I suffered for months in silence. You don’t deserve that either. You deserve happiness, peace, and tranquility in your life. You deserve the help you need. You are not alone. You never have been, and you never will be. Reaching out was the best thing I have ever done for myself. I cannot encourage you enough to do the same. College is hard, especially at this point in the semester. We are all ready to go home. We all feel burnt out. You. Are. Not. Alone. Advocate for yourself. Speak up. Talk about it.