If you know me, you know I love apples. If you don’t know me, you should know that I love apples.
If apples have one fan, it’s me. If apples have one million fans, I’m one of them. If apples have no fans, I’m dead.
Apples are the perfect fruit. They’re incredibly versatile in both cooking and in flavor, in general. Apples can be featured in savory soups or other savory dishes, in ice cream, in desserts, or eaten plain.
They’re a great way to get vitamin C, an easy-to-grab snack, and are generally tasty. Of anything to be obsessed with, apples are a better option than some other vices.
My history with apples is extensive. Besides being from New York State, which produces 14% of the United State’s apples, I grew up in Albany, which is very close to some beautiful apple orchards and farms. I also spent my summers at Lourdes Camp in Skaneateles, New York, close to a huge hard cider distillery, Beak and Skiff, characterized by rolling hills of apple trees.
Until I was a junior in high school, my brothers and I would eat breakfast together every morning. We’d usually have cereal or oatmeal (always apple cinnamon flavor for me, duh) and then an orange or an apple.
I still don’t know if it was citrus that early in the morning or just a general dislike of oranges, but I would gag every time I’d have to eat an orange. I chose the apple every single time.
Now that I’m in college, I don’t get breakfast every morning, but I still keep an apple stash in my fridge, which I dip into every morning.
Apples are the perfect snack. They’re just perfect!
But not all apples are created equally, and even I, @ogapplelover on TikTok, don’t love them all.
Here is my apple ranking, from my favorite to the most revolting five kinds of apples ever.
1. McIntosh Red
McIntosh Red apples are characterized by their bright red skin and white fruit. They are the national apple of Canada and my favorite apple EVER.
They are sweet but tart enough that you don’t have to make a face.
They’re especially good with peanut butter, but I like to eat them without anything.
The second best part of my brief trip home (the first being seeing my family) was going to Trader Joe’s and getting a huge bag of these apples.
McIntosh’s can be used in cooking and to eat plain.
2. EmpirE
I only like Empire apples because they’re the closest thing to McIntosh, and I can buy them at Walmart.
They’re okay, but they aren’t McIntosh apples. Boo.
They can be eaten, used in baking, and even dried.
They are a cross between McIntosh and Red Delicious apples created by Cornell nutritionist Lester Anderson in 1945.
3. Red DeliciouS
These are the only apples my dining hall has, so while I don’t find them particularly good, I am forced to eat them.
When fresh and while the fruit is still firm, they’re delicious, but if not, they’re grainy and overly sweet.
They’re a beautiful dark red and were the most-produced apple until 2018.
They’re sweet and often used in baking but can be eaten plain.
4. Honeycrisp
Honeycrisp apples are like a fake friend; they’re too sweet to be enjoyable. The Honeycrisp hype is so disappointing because they are not that good.
They do have a cool pink-ish green pattern, though, and are almost pear-like in flavor.
They are not my favorite, but will do in a pinch.
An apple is an apple!
5. Granny Smith
These are the most disgusting “apples” in existence. Barf.
Granny Smith apples are so gross I can’t even consider them apples. I wonder why someone would want to bite into something that sour. They aren’t even enjoyable because they are just so bad, and they have no other flavor.
If I wanted a sour fruit, I’d eat a lemon.
Granny Smith apples are great for baking, though, and have many health benefits.
What they’re good for doesn’t matter because they’re at the bottom of my apple pyramid.