For the longest time, I was above average. I was consistently one of, if not the smartest in my class. I never got less than an A on an assignment. I led service clubs, sports teams, and was a part of National Honors Society. All of my teachers loved me. But that was just high school.
Even though I went to a relatively big public school, those people are just a small sampling of the people in the world. And high school in general is just a small sampling of the academic situations I could encounter.
A formative memory of mine is me crying on my kitchen floor after being rejected from my dream schools. While they were polite rejections, they were still rejections.
“I am sorry to inform you we cannot accept you at this time.”
Ow.
After winning awards, scholarships and contests, and being in all enriched and AP and IB classes, it’s hard to find out you’re not that special. Being in those tough classes and winning spelling bees is not all that rare or unique.
Don’t get me wrong, I know I am a smart girl. I’ll even bluntly say I am too smart for St. Bonaventure University (professors have told me this so it’s not just my opinion). But in context of every other student in the whole country competing for a spot at the top schools in the country, I am of pretty average intelligence.
It’s a hard fact to come to terms with when applying to colleges – a time when there is so much stress and a lot of things are beginning to change.
While I was crying over my rejections on my kitchen floor, my brother came in for a snack. After I showed him the emails and explained to him the realizations I made, he sat with me, hugged me, and reminded me of lucky I am in every other aspect of my college admissions process. My parents would still love and support me wherever I end up going to college. I will be able to find internship and job opportunities anywhere I go. And I can afford to go to college at all. That was a talk I needed and will never forget.
After hating it for a really long time for a multitude of reasons, I am at peace with my choice to come to Bonaventure. It has given me a lot of great opportunities and introduced me to some of my best friends. Maybe there are some things I would change about the way my college experience has happened, but for the most part, I have been thankful for my professors, my employers, and my friends.