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The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at SBU chapter.

I was doing some internet sleuthing one night after someone at work told me, “Oh my goodness, you are the definition of oldest daughter.” I typed “Oldest Daughter” into Google. The next suggested word was “Syndrome”. This makes it clear that people have searched and engaged with the concept of “Oldest Daughter Syndrome”. 

While I cherish being the oldest daughter, the word syndrome does, oddly enough, encapsulate the ambivalence that comes from this role in a family. People may see my family life and feel perplexed that I could ever claim to feel “Oldest Daughter Syndrome”. When it comes to family matters, I have been beyond blessed. I brag every day about how I have the best brother and parents in the world. And yet I have such a complex relationship with myself and what role I serve in my family. 

Daily, I receive infinite love and affection from my family. Despite this, I feel that when I wake up each morning, I am on a mission to prove myself. I feel that I have to be the smartest and most well-spoken in the room. I always feel guilty for “not doing enough”- when In fact, I am over-involved to the point where I barely sleep. Some may say this is merely a personality thing, or a gender thing, or a “me issue”, but I have a sneaking suspicion my birth order plays some role in this. 

One of my favorite songs ever is “Vienna” by Billy Joel. As a child, I enjoyed how the song made me feel. Joel’s voice was smooth and comforting. As a 20-year-old girl, specifically as the oldest daughter, this song means something different. I often get teary-eyed playing this song in the car. Bonus points if you’re dramatic like me and play this song, windows down, on your scenic drive from your college campus to your hometown and vice versa.

Overall, Vienna is a metaphor for growing older and the subsequent ambitions that come with conceptualizing that we are on this planet for a very limited time. My brain is often a jumbled mess of to-do lists, aspirations, emotions, and spiraled thoughts. I think about how I can care for my younger brother. Billy Joel reminds me “Slow down, you’re doin’ fine, You can’t be everything you wanna be before your time.” Sometimes all I need to hear is that I am doing fine. In a world of hustle culture, the gentleness of someone nudging you to “slow down” is a beautiful and underappreciated gift. 

During our Her Campus retreat to the mountain, I heard something from one of our campus friars that gave me chills. Brother Kevin referenced a sentiment from Parker Palmer, an American author and educator. Br. Kevin talked about the notion that our life is “more than just the things we’ve done.” Once Br. Kevin said this out loud, time froze. As the eldest daughter, I am admittedly obsessed with seeming impressive and having a long list compiled of “the things I have done.” 

My life’s purpose does not lie in being “impressive” or in the mere “things I’ve done”. Though being the oldest daughter may correlate with my ambitious and passionate demeanor, it has also given me a soft, tender side. I love watching my younger brother grow up and discover himself. I love the bond we share, especially as we navigate college and adulthood together. 

As I learn to follow the advice of Br. Kevin and Billy Joel alike, I hope to show myself the love and care I give to others. To all my oldest daughters out there, I hope you remember that you can be a strong, bold leader who empathizes with others while still prioritizing yourself. 

Katie is a Junior at St. Bonaventure University. She is an executive board member for Her Campus at SBU. Her experience with social media, advertising, and writing allow her to combine her passions and advance her university's chapter of HC. She has been a part of Her Campus since freshman year. It has been her favorite on-campus extracurricular to become involved with. Katie is currently studying Strategic Communication and Marketing. She finds joy in being involved on campus through various organizations including Her Campus and Jandoli Women in Communication. Katie is both an Orientation Leader and a Peer Coach- she loves welcoming new students and helping them transition to college. She is also a full-time student ambassador who enthusiastically leads tours for prospective students. (Request her as your tour guide!) In her free time, you can find Katie reading, hiking, and laughing with her friends. She loves spending time outdoors, especially in the fall. Her kryptonite is iced coffee. Some of her favorite artists include Chris Stapleton, Fleetwood Mac, and Noah Kahan. Her favorite show is New Girl. Katie will eagerly engage in any conversation about her beloved hometown, Buffalo, New York. She will likely attempt to convert you to become a Buffalo Bills fan, and could talk about Josh Allen for hours. Post-grad, Katie hopes to be using her creative talents towards a fulfilling career in the world of advertising.