This entire article is an ode to my long distance relationship that sprouted my junior year of college. I have gained a new perspective on saying goodbye. This has been a chapter of my life where I figured out the importance of in-person time with the people I love.Â
“One day you won’t have to say the hard goodbyes anymore.”
That was a TikTok comment I saw on this one girl’s video this past summer. I happened to be particularly interested in Gabby Averill’s TikTok content when I came across that comment because she was training for a half marathon when I was actively running most days over the summer. She is also a senior in college studying to become a teacher. I resonated with her videos a ton; I still do.
Late August Gabby had posted this video of her having to say goodbye to her newly long-distance boyfriend. She was staying in Maryland for college, and her boyfriend had just graduated college and picked up and moved to Arizona following a job offer.Â
Ever since reading that comment, that is what I tell myself in my head every single time I say goodbye to my boyfriend when we go our separate ways to head back home. The timing of this was funny really, because that day or two before I had just said goodbye to him at the Richmond airport at 4 a.m.Â
There is truly no way to describe the shreds that is your heart when you have to say goodbye to a long-distance partner. Carter and I started off our relationship long distance, so I like to think that we’re both resilient for that reason.
It’s still tough. We don’t get much in-person time together like non-long distance couples. That being said, our time together is incredibly cherished. I find myself feeling sad after he leaves me and I’m picking up my bedroom, kitchen and other living spaces where his belongings once were.
Suddenly it’s only my stuff that remains and no longer his. It’s a lonely and empty feeling because he’s here with me, and then he’s gone.
Writer’s note: I am not describing all of this because I want anyone to pity me or feel bad. I am just explaining our reality to hopefully nourish those that may relate in any form or fashion.
I remember when I got back home from the airport from visiting him this past August. I sat on my little sister’s bedroom floor because I didn’t want to be alone. She admitted she didn’t understand what that must feel like, but she let me mope and miss him while she put on a movie for us to watch.Â
It’s funny because nobody wants to willingly do long distance. But suddenly you meet that person that fills every single cup in your life. That person places immense joy and gratitude in your heart and continues to do so every day that you are together. Then, the thought of not having them in your life is nauseating, so you endure the difficult circumstance of being states apart; him in Virginia, me in New York.
One of the best things we have is trust in our relationship. I like to think it’s our foundation. When we’re apart, it’s challenging with his work schedule and my student-teaching schedule to talk as frequently as we may like throughout the day.
I have instilled trust in him that even if we haven’t spoken much throughout the day, he will call me when I am laying down in bed for the night to catch up with me about our days, or vice-versa. Even if there are days where we are too busy to cover every emotion or story for that day, we know we will get to it eventually. It may just be a few phone calls down the line.
The conditions aren’t ideal, but I have never been celebrated, wanted, and loved more than I am when I am with him. For that, I endure the literal ache in my heart when we depart after a wonderful few days spent together.
I remember at the beginning of our relationship “Ticking” by Zach Bryan came up on shuffle on my winter playlist. We had just spent a weekend away together in the dead of winter in Altoona, PA, as it is approximately our halfway meeting point.
“There’s time, ticking, on the interstate
And Lord I hate
That I ain’t close to you”
These lyrics put a ping in my chest. Him and I were quite literally driving opposite ways on the interstate. We were returning to our regularly scheduled programming of living our separate lives in New York and Virginia. Once again, there is something painful yet so beautiful about being with someone you love so deeply that you unfortunately cannot be with physically often.
If you have ever dealt with anything like this in a relationship (or are going through a long-distance relationship currently) I feel for you. I see you. I know that pain leaving each other again never seems to improve or fade away with time. I wish I knew how to navigate that myself. But I am getting better. You will too.
Try and set dates on the calendar that you and your partner can look forward to when it comes to seeing each other again. It does help. Then you can set a countdown in your planner or phone!
Lastly, try and remember that it’s temporary, and that one day you won’t have to say the hard goodbyes anymore; the goodbyes where you won’t see each other for months at a time. The goodbyes that are especially gut-wrenching and difficult to navigate.
It won’t be easy but I promise it will be worth it.