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SBU | Wellness > Sex + Relationships

Savoring The Slow Burn

Abigail Taber Student Contributor, St. Bonaventure University
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at SBU chapter and does not reflect the views of Her Campus.

One thing, among many, that annoys me about the dating scene in 2025 is that everyone is either rushing into a relationship or not looking for one at all.

No one wants to linger anymore.

When did we throw courtship out the window? Why?

I want those precious weeks when you know you like someone, you know that things are going well, and you know things are progressing towards boyfriend-girlfriend status. But you’re not quite there yet.

Bring back the true talking stage; not the confusing, modern version, but the kind where you can feel the butterflies in your stomach from excitement. When you are texting all day about nothing but it means everything. When seeing their name appear on your screen makes you smile at the idea that they are thinking about you too.

What happened to the build up?

The long, late-night conversations that keep you up too late. The butterflies you get about the possibility of seeing them on campus.

It feels like we’re all in a rush to define things. This is not me being annoying about labels, I promise. I’m not scared to call someone my boyfriend; I am so excited for that next part of a relationship. But I want to savor the moments I get to have learning someone.

There is a sweetness to the stage of in-between that a hard launch or situationship can never replicate.

Maybe I’m just a romantic. Or maybe I have read too many romance books.

Either way, what I truly want is more lingering.

I want a relationship that feels like walking into warm water instead of diving into the deep end or being left out in the cold.

Developing feelings isn’t meant to be a race. My favorite books are slow burns, so why would I want anything different? I’m not talking a years-long, miscommunication-trope-riddled love; just something that feels authentically grown.

I want someone to enjoy the time they spend with me; no rush to define what that time means. To be curious, not just interested. I want the silly questions like “what Muppet do you think you are?” or “what is your go-to Starbucks order?”. I want someone to remember the answers — not just because they have to, but because they want to.

I want things to unfold naturally. Not everything needs to be efficient.

There is beauty in the wait. When every interaction is filled with the potential of what could be. When you don’t know quite where things are heading, but you know that you want it to be with them.

Abigail Taber is a third-year writer for the St. Bonaventure chapter of Her Campus. She enjoys writing about culture, entertainment, and the happenings in her college life. Abigail is excited to be the editor for her chapter this year and to be a part of such a cool organization that centers around the work and interests of women.

Beyond Her Campus, Abigail is the Editor-In-Chief of the literary magazine on campus, The Laurel, the President of SBU College Democrats, the Vice President of the Book Club, a tutor at the Writing Lab, and a volunteer at SBU Food Pantry. Abigail has had her creative writing published in both her high school's and university's literary magazines. She is currently a junior at St. Bonaventure University, triple-majoring in English, Literary Publishing and Editing, and Women's Studies.

In her free time, Abigail, or Abbey to her friends, enjoys reading, listening to music, and thinking of her next tattoo. She is a music trivia master and a known enjoyer of any and all romance books. She hopes to work for a publishing house editing novels in the future. Growing up in a small suburb of Buffalo, New York, Abbey hopes to embody the city-of-good-neighbors attitude.