I’m ready to graduate.
Or at least it feels like I am.
Since October started so has my senioritis. And it is bad.
Senioritis is the decrease in motivation usually seen by students in their final year of high school or college that might include not turning in work, skipping class and etc.
I’m turning in all my work. My Fall 2022 Assignment spreadsheet has not let me down yet. But it’s a feeling instead.
I was under the impression that my senior year of college was going to be fun. I would have less classes, I would be able to work part-time, workout, be social and have all the free time in the world.
ERRRRRRRR…no.
It has not been that way. So far, my schedule has been packed. Some days I don’t get home until 8 p.m., eat dinner and go to bed just to wake up and repeat the cycle. It’s becoming exhuasting and annoying.
Most of my time isn’t spent thinking about school. It’s thinking about what I’m going to do after school is finished. That could be one of the signs that it’s time to leave. Of course, the big question is, “What are you going to do when you graduate?” and honestly I don’t know.
I daydream of a career that will allow me to set my own hours and pay me well enough that I won’t have to work three jobs as I do right now. A career that won’t drain me and one that will allow me to travel and explore new places.
Don’t get me wrong I’m trying to enjoy as much of my senior year as I can. I remind myself to be present at the moment and not wish to be somewhere else. If I spent all my time wishing I was in the future I’ll miss out on the here and now. So, I go to campus-sponsored events. I go to class and chat with my favorite professors. I go out to eat in the places I’ve been to before. I try. I know at the end of the school year I’ll cry looking back at some of my favorite moments as a student. Graduation will be the most bittersweet day for me.
While my head may be here… my heart isn’t.
Campus doesn’t feel the same anymore. Walking to the dining hall or the library feels like the same thing I’ve done over and over. It’s the same buildings and the same town.
I need something new. Somewhere fresh.
A new start in a new place.