I have hidden it. I have felt ashamed of it. But I am here to finally admit that I am a suitcase student.
I spend the week at school, attending classes and sleeping in my dorm, but the minute I’m done with my last class on Friday afternoons I am hopping in the car and driving away as fast as I can.
This has been my normal since the first month of freshman year. But I have felt ashamed of this part of my routine because it feels as if I will be judged for not having the normal “college experience”. This shame I felt towards myself caused a lot of unneeded anxiety and pressure that weighed on me anytime I wasn’t at school.
I’m done with that. I’m sick of feeling like I am wrong for doing what makes me the most comfortable.
Going home every weekend provides me time to do things for myself. It’s a way for me to relax, a way to get away from the stress of schoolwork and a way to connect with my best friends.
When I’m home, I get to spend time with the people that understand me best. That means I can talk with them and work through issues that have been plaguing me. Seeing my people also refills my social battery for the week.
I also get to work when I’m home. I’m so lucky to be able to say that I have a job that allows me to come back on the weekends and work a shift or two for some extra cash. It’s also a bonus that I work with my best friend as well.
Here’s the best part: I get to see my kitten every time I go home. My roommate and I recently just got a kitten, and every weekend I get to go home and receive the best kind of therapy: kitten therapy. I can work on my homework while a small, purring fluffball sleeps on my lap.
Now I know what I’m missing here. I know that I am missing out on the moments with my friends at school when they hang out without me. And sometimes I do feel like I’m missing out on these moments, but I’m confident in my friendships. I’m not afraid of losing friends because I don’t go out with them every weekend.
This points to the main reason I go home on the weekends: I don’t go out. I feel more left out when I’m here on the weekends and all the people I know are getting ready to go out without me.
My mentality: why stay at school in my dorm doing nothing when I can be with my best friends and working at home?
I may lose that social aspect of my college life, but I am involved all around campus. I work my butt of during the week to keep up my 4.0 and be involved in 5 different clubs. And I do stay at school when I want to attend a fun event during the weekends. If there is a Her Campus event on a Friday or Saturday night, you bet I’m going to be there.
In my experience, I am not missing out on any important aspect of my college experience.
It had taken me all my freshman year to come to this peace within myself. I finally let the weight of expectations around my failed “college experience” go. I accepted that I must do what is best for me.