On Tuesday of this week, I went into my Clinical Experience placement for the very first time (well, kind of… Tuesday was a virtual snow day and I went into school on Thursday but, potato potahto).
While I substitute teach for both elementary schools and the middle school in my hometown, something about beginning Clinical for St. Bonaventure felt more like of a career-defining step for me. Subbing is something I am comfortable with; Clinical did not fall into that category for me. This nervousness was not inherently negative, I am just quite afraid of the future.
I love teaching, and I know it is what I was meant to do with my future. Even though I knew this to be true, I couldn’t get rid of that nervousness while walking closer and closer to the doors of my school at 7:00 A.M. this morning.
I knew I was prepared and I knew that this was what I wanted to do, but the doubtful voices were ones that I had a serious time shaking.
Was I going to make a good impression? Was I going to set myself apart? Was I going to make a silly mistake and have it snowball into a disaster?
By the time I had settled myself into my cooperating teacher’s room, I had a pile of useful materials in front of me that she was planning on using with her students, and was elbow-deep in notes.
From being able to both learn material from her as a student with a new perspective, to working with her to collectively to make a teaching plan and schedule for me, to leading some of the class activities, I found myself completely immersed in the job and my environment. I was actively having fun.
When the day was finally done, I walked out with arms full of papers, a mind full of expertise and a smile on my face. Yes, I know that sounds super corny, but it’s true. Clinical is, in my eyes, the first real step into our careers as teachers (and it is more like a freefall than a step), but I’m so glad I let myself go and have fun.
It is a perfectly normal feeling to want to stay in the comfort zone of school, or home or even bed (come on we’ve all been there), but to take a step out with the intent of going towards something that is something you strive for is so rewarding.