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The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at SBU chapter.

The year is 2023 and the semester has just started. This is the second week of class and the gate to hell is brittle. 

My campus is caked in the white winter layer of what we call snow. My room is bursting with heat that rattles the old rickety pipes. As an RA, noise is inevitable, but once in a while noise is like a cool breeze drifting through the crack of my door. 

I can find beauty in all this, but the new year has other plans for me. Entering the new semester I had mixed feelings; the idea of women’s studies, grammar for style, and American literature two all sounded interesting. Meanwhile, my other classes were a bit iffy to digest. I wanted to stay optimistic and look at the bright side of all things. I mean – I shouldn’t jump to conclusions when I haven’t even seen the syllabus – right? Plus, the books looked … interesting. 

And yet, waking up to the morning sun on the first day of classes, felt like waking up 1,000 times every month at the same hour. By the time the weekend came rolling around, I was convinced I had never taken a winter break and it was all a very short and dull dream.

Before the winter break, I was partially excited about the new year and classes (despite the end of ever seeing my closest friends). I had hopes of staying on track and indulging in new subjects. My schedule wasn’t the worse compared to the ones I have had in the past, with one-hour breaks in between each class for catching up on homework. My friends and I looked to take a spring break trip to Canada, and finally being 21 meant going to the bars (although alcohol is something I am still investigating). 

However we are back to the “and yet” I have reached this “new” semester and classes, Canada, bars … it all seems so dull and uninviting. 

I have noticed a change in my behavior since entering college. The motivation, the drive to do more be more has gradually faded away. It was a dim fire I noticed my sophomore year, but was still able to push myself to keep the fading fire lit. By the end of fall 2022 (junior year), that fire was hard to keep lit. Now – I don’t even know if it’s still there. I can’t feel it. 

Have you ever felt the fire inside of you begin to burn out? What have you done to add fuel and bring that flicker of life back? 

As of now, I feel my body anxiously resting on a boat floating on a steady wave wondering where it might carry me. Partially paralyzed, partially sparked by fear of wanting to jump off the boat and take control of my body. 

I don’t have it in me to be optimistic, but I am still going to “hope” this year improves. 

Hello, sunflower! Alicia Maxwell, meaning noble which she tries to live up to! Currently is a senior writer for the Her Campus SBU Chapter, soon to graduate with her Bachelor of Arts in English Literature. Being an English Lit, she loves to explore and write a range of topics. She doesn’t believe one should limit their skills or knowledge. However, her favored topics are investigative work (i.e., handling our insecurities and housing crisis). Alongside writing for Her Campus, she recently interned abroad in Ireland for STELLARS magazine. For her, it was an experience and an eye-opener. She had the chance to explore a different side of writing (culturally as well). The one article that stuck with Alicia the most was “Eight Gorgeous Irish Markets To Visit This Summer.” Alicia loves markets! Having the chance to explore a few in another country was a dream come true. Before that year, Alicia also served on the college newspaper as a feature writer. The BonaVenture (what a creative name), published articles she conducted on the campus community. Her favorite piece has to be “Campus Community Reacts To The Death Of Tyre Nichols.” It was also her very first article written for the newspaper. Last, but never not least, she had interned for her college archives performing research on a past Bonna Student, Roi Ottley. Her work was combined onto the college archive's website to update what information they had on him. Aside from her work as a writer and student, she enjoys taking walks with her head in the clouds seeing the world from another perspective. She also loves browsing Netflix, critiquing and analyzing the artwork.