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The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at SBU chapter.

Since I am currently student teaching, I have accepted that this semester is one of immense trying, failing, learning and getting back up to try again. Ugh. 

No matter how many times in the past I have told myself that it is okay to not be great at everything, I fear that I have always struggled to believe those words. 

I have spent countless nights literally holing up in my room upset over a “bad” grade (yes, I admit, I am one of those kids that would get mad over a 99 on a test). I constantly beat myself up after a messy choreographer moment at dance or an interaction where I felt like I did not communicate to my best ability. 

I have silently cried into my pillow or in the front seat of my car because I somehow had one moment of weakness where I did not perform to my own impossible standard.

I have never forgiven myself for any time that I haven’t deemed myself to be the most impressive, well-rounded, smartest and productive person in the room. 

But something in me has recently changed. I’m not sure if it’s maturity, past experiences, my current educational position or if I have somehow learned to cut myself some slack, but, whatever happened, I finally feel like I can fail without being too hard on myself.  

I do know that my “breakthrough,” or when I realized that I did not (and simply cannot) always be the “best” at everything, came in early September at school. 

When I had to create my first lesson and teach it to my class of eighth graders, I was quickly met with a technology problem that forced me to think on my feet. In my book, I did not “fail” because the technology wasn’t working– that was not within my control. However, I knew that great teachers can think quickly and adjust to any blip in their plans seamlessly. 

So, I tried to do just that. The key word here is “tried.”

Unfortunately, I tried so hard to think quickly that I chose some random activity that promoted movement and too much engagement (literally to the point where my class was so out of control that my cooperating teacher had to come back to the front of the room and yell at everyone because I was incapable of regaining control of the classroom). 

Long-story-long, I went home that day and sobbed in my car for an hour. You are so much better than that, I thought to myself. How are you ever going to be a real teacher if you couldn’t even pretend to be one for one day?

Blah, blah, blah. I won’t bore you all with the unnecessarily dramatic details of my internal monologue. But, after throwing myself a pity party, I took a deep breath and reeled it back in. I started to have thoughts about how this was a learning experience. I was supposed to have bad days so that I could reference them the next time I had to make a decision. That activity didn’t work that time. Noted. Move forward and do not use it again for a classroom environment of that nature. 

Without even realizing it, I began to pick myself up. Regardless of what happened in that classroom, I was able to reflect on my choices, make some changes for the next class period and grow from my mistakes. And that is fine – in fact, that is what student teaching is for. 

Since that day in early September, I have started to reframe my self-talk in other ways.

After doing a poor job of teaching a combination at dance, I sit down and think about some of the things I want to change for next time. And you know what? I come back the next week with a clear game plan to fix my mistakes from the previous class, and everything sorts itself out. 

I’m not pretending I have unlocked some sort of secret to life. However, I do want people to know that unlearning perfectionism is a slow, annoying (but really rewarding) process. 

I would love to say I have fully accepted that I do not have to be the best at everything. I don’t really know if I ever will. 

But, I’m learning. I’m taking everything one step at a time. And celebrating those little victories, like that one in my car on that Friday afternoon, is good enough right now.

No matter what you’re doing in life currently, remember that you’re not “lazy” for cutting yourself some slack. 

Try, fail, learn and try again. 

Oh, how lucky we are that we can always try again.

Riley Connors is a member of the St. Bonaventure chapter of Her Campus and plans to write about college, careers, movies and just about anything that comes to her mind that week. She is a senior Adolescent Education and English double major. Outside of Her Campus, Riley is a member of the SBU Dance Team and is a part of SBU College Democrats. She also has a radio show with her roommates on St. Bonaventure's radio station, WSBU-FM. In her free time, Riley enjoys hanging out with her friends and girlfriend, spending time outside in the sun and listening to any song by Boygenius, Hozier or Lizzy McAlpine. She cherishes her time spent at home with her family and dog but loves her St. Bonaventure family that she has created in her three years of college.