I constantly get wrapped up comparing myself to other people in my life. Deciding for myself that I am not worthy of so many things because I continuously find the tiniest details that are wrong about me because they are not like others. People say, “comparison is the thief of joy” and they are right.
I compare how I look, how I act, how I speak, etc. to all these other people I see or meet. Picking myself apart to build up a new version of me to be so that I feel like I can fit into this society.
I feel like the background character.
I’m not though, and I know that no one is. But as I say we are all the main characters; I also rebuke it with the fact that we are all background characters too.
In my own world, I am the main character. The camera follows me as I walk through this life and go through all these crazy things.
Season 1 starts in middle school. I walk the halls of school and go through relationships, friendships and family drama all while dealing with trying to find myself and who I want to be and who I want to be around. I am also dealing with my “daddy issues” that are starting to get the worst they’ve been. Seventh grade is a trainwreck of a time but also the foundation of who I am. Â
I say I consistently change pieces about me because I want to be like other people, but at the same time, I know who I am because of my season 1 growth. It’s contradicting, but it’s true. There is a state of confusion in my head of the two sides that can come out, the one that is wholeheartedly me and the one that just wants to stay quiet and do what others do to fit in.
And I know I’m not the only one who does it.
I can tell when I hang out with someone one-on-one but then see how they act in a group of people. You see who also struggles with the same issues because you see pieces of yourself in their actions and understand they are doing those things for the same reason you did.
We are all the main characters.
The first season of our show starts at different defining points in our lives and continues from there. Yet we are all background characters that cross over into each other’s stories for small glimpses of a scene, or an episode, and if you’re lucky enough you find your core side characters in the once-background characters of your life.
That’s what matters, finding that core of your group. The people who are in multiple seasons of your life, and hopefully they stay until the closing of the show. If they don’t it’s okay though because they add a good plot to your show.