Now, for a backstory, my parents started their divorce back in November of 2022, which while it is still going for them, making this November their two years. Only a little bit ago was my brother and I’s custody agreement set.
The definition of a custody agreement is a written agreement between parents on how to share custody of their child. Even though it has only recently been set, I have been going through the different holidays, birthdays and more for two years now and I have struggled much with it, along with my brother.Â
With my situation, I don’t spend time with my father, my custody agreement before I turned eighteen, which when it was ratified it didn’t matter because I turned eighteen in June 2024. I was living with my mom full time, while my brother goes week to week, and on the week that my brother was with my father, I could go to his house and stay. Now, there was a stipulation that I had put in, in other words, I didn’t want to see him at all, but because of my Law Guardian, I got that I didn’t have to go unless both parents agreed. A Law Guardian is like a lawyer for the kids, to speak for them, because we can’t go to the hearings and trials.Â
You may ask why I don’t want to see my father, and I will give the long story short. Throughout my life, my father had made me feel less than. He continued to make me feel like I was never good enough. He had never supported me when it mattered, after times telling me that my joy was less important than money. Once he told me that I should drop my travel softball league because my mom was spending almost $5,000 every year that I played, and he didn’t want to be losing that money. So, in turn, I have started to hate him.Â
Don’t tell me hate is a strong word or a statement relating to, but he is your father, because I simply don’t care. I have lived my life and if you were in my shoes, I too do believe that you wouldn’t like him either.Â
During November of 2022, I had three Thanksgivings. I had Friendsgiving, my family thanksgiving with just my immediate family and a dinner with my father’s side of the family. I started to hate the holidays when the year before, the holidays gave me the most joy. Then during Christmas Eve I hung out with my friends, and we did our own Christmas get together, which was fun. Then Christmas happened with my family, and I hated every minute of it.Â
 As the years have gone on, I have made the holidays my own with new traditions and ways that I spend them. At times, especially during the holidays I was often asked who I was spending the holidays with, and I would always answer my mom, because that is what I wanted to do. But to get to the point of the article is that you get to decide who you spend time with; it’s your choice. So don’t let anyone tell you that you have to spend time with someone that you don’t want to. You deserve to be happy during the happiest time of the year, it doesn’t matter what others think, only what you think.Â
Parents can be a sensitive topic for many, but even if you need help find someone to talk to that is away from your life, I support finding a therapist or a counselor. Talking to friends and family are also helpful but they can also be very close to the situation, which could cloud their vision.
If you have siblings, lean on each other, because while the family may be picking sides you guys might not want to and be the only people you can turn too. Find community in other people that are going through a parental divorce or have gone through one. Finding a community will help you get through the divorce more than you think.
Remember that at the end of the day you are the kid, and they are the parent. So, if a parent of yours acts like something is wrong with you because you don’t see them, know you aren’t in the wrong. Going through divorce is hard, but you can make it through, you have got this. It can be stressful, but all will be okay.