Madame Web and Argylle have been slain across the internet for being bad movies. Agylle boasts a 33% on Rotten Tomatoes with Madame Web at an abysmal 13%. They have very different premises: Argylle is a parody of a spy thriller and Madame Web is…Madame Web. I saw both. It is time to determine: Are they really as bad as the critics say they were?
**This article contains spoilers for both Madame Web (2024) and Argylle (2024)**
I love bad movies. I grew up in the golden age of Disney’s direct-to-DVD sequels, so objectively bad movies and I are one and the same. I also happen to be friends with people who enjoy bad movies as well. With two of 2024’s worst movies under my belt, I’m here to say which one is definitively the best. In my opinion.
Cinematic Experience
Agylle by far was my favorite movie-watching experience. The over-the-top action sequences combined with absurd plotlines made it an excellent movie to watch with friends. Madame Web was the opposite. I left the theater in a state of confusion, trying to process what just happened. Not to say that it wasn’t enjoyable. I saw Madame Web with the same friends I saw Argylle with but Madame Web took itself too seriously. Had they leaned into the camp aspect, like Argylle, the movie-watching experience would’ve been better.
Characters
I enjoyed most of the characters in both films. Bryce Dallas Howard as Elly Conway, or R. Kylle, was slaying throughout the movie. They tried to do my good sis dirty by putting a blonde wig on her, but she pulled it off. The supporting cast was okay. Nothing to write home about but they’re okay. Unfortunately for as much as I love Bryce Dallas Howard, I liked Cassie Web more.
Dakota Johnson as Cassie Webb was genuinely the saving grace of Madame Webb. Her line delivery and character choices were extremely funny to me. As for the other cast…yeah. Adam
Scott adds another Ben to his repertoire as Ben Parker, who may be THE uncle Ben. Sydney Sweeny plays Julia Carpenter, Isabela Mercad plays Anya Corazon, Celeste O’Connor plays Mattie Franklin, and Tahar Rahim plays Ezekial. There is also an appearance from Emma Roberts as May Parker, who might be Peter Parker’s mom. Crazy.
Wardrobe
Madame Web is set in 2003, but you wouldn’t know based on the outfits. Dakota Johnson’s outfit staple is a leather trench coat and high-waisted jeans. The leather trench is fine but high-waisted jeans weren’t on the radar in 2003. The supporting cast’s outfits are even more egregious. Y2k styles tended to feature horrendous layering. The Y2K styles of Julia, Anya and Mattie are more so the modern perception of it. I’m not asking to have them all wear skirts under dresses, I just want to suspend my disbelief.
I actually loved the costuming in Argylle. Elly primarily wore cardigans and jeans which really cemented the idea that she was a book author. They also had pretty good attention to detail. For example, Elly/Rachel and her partner Aiden went to a fortress in an Islamic country and dressed in more conservative clothing. Henry Cavill was done dirty with his hair. First as Agent Argylle with his patch of grass-looking hair and his mullet at the end of the movie. If I were him I’d sue for emotional distress.
Editing
Madame Web’s editing was absurd. I blame my comm classes for noticing this, but the dubbing of lines was extremely obvious. In the beginning, Ezekial would be speaking but his words weren’t matching what his mouth said and sounded like it was recorded in a sound booth. There was also an extended scene where Dakota Johnson is in the foreground and has her back to the camera and she’s talking to the 3 girls. The sound also sounds too isolated to ever be filmed with a camera.
Argylle, thankfully, had better editing. I didn’t notice anything horrendous, save for some uncanny valley CGI. This movie had a few absurd sequences towards the end that had my friends and me in absolute stitches.
Takeaways
Both Madame Web and Argylle are enjoyable movies if you don’t take them seriously. By not taking them seriously you appreciate the importance of CPR, dance sequences, cat backpacks, intern hackers, and family. If you have a local theater, go see bad movies with your friends. You may not gain a new appreciation or perspective of life, but you will gain a bonding experience and a chance to support a local business.
And maybe, just maybe, the real Madame Web was the friends we made along the way.