I thought now by at 22, I would have been in some type of relationship. It confuses me, it makes me sad, but it makes me happy. I am very independent person and have never relied on anyone. I am 100% without a doubt a girl’s girl. I am my best around my girlfriends, they make me a better person.
I had a great high school experience. I was captain of my varsity basketball and volleyball, had a lot of friends and enjoyed my 4 years. I always wondered why I never had a boyfriend. Was I too athletic? Too heavy? Too thin? Not pretty enough? Too outspoken? My mom always told me boys are intimidated easily and probably had a chip on their shoulder because I was successful.
As college rolled around, I feel like I grew into myself more. I know what I want, and I am not afraid to tell anyone. I have a unique fashion style and I wear heals even though I am 5’11”. I am ambitious and have big goals for myself. I want to be a CEO or someone “big.” I still question, is there something wrong with me?
Let me tell you, there is not. I struggle with my body image from time to time and wonder what others think of me, especially “men.” I want a relationship but do not want to put pressure on finding someone. I just wonder who is out there for me and when will it happen? I just want to know if someone likes me lol. I also know sometimes with men I get a little shy. I am myself around my girls, but it is because I am most comfortable. Around my hometown guy friends I act silly, confident, fun and caring. Why can’t I do that with every guy? I am going to make a better effort with meeting new men in life.
I never understood why my friends pined over men or why they go back into that toxic relationship. I have never been in that situation so I can’t judge them for going with their heart. I would probably do the same. Love is a tricky thing. As a senior in college, I just want to have fun and not worry about anyone! I know someone is out there for me. I know post grad life I will be living in a city waiting for my tall glass of water. But I will never depend on a man, they will have to chase me. I am the boss!