Thank u, next

Oh, exes. Some of them are a memory, some of them are the one that got away, and some of them are psychotic stalkers – just keeping it real. I’ve had some pretty crazy ups and downs with the three boys that I’ve had “relationships” with. To be fair, I’ve never been big on labels but I feel like if we had a “relationship” for over a year they definitely qualify as an ex. I’ve always scared away from a title and commitment – but that is another article. I think we can all agree that if nothing else; exes teach us things. Maybe they’re our first love, or maybe they were the guy who finally made us see our worth. 

There are three boys who I’ve had relationships with who have definitely taught me things about myself, what I want out of a relationship, and my worth. In the spirit of Her Campus Scranton’s Shout Out To My Ex week, I’m once again happy to exploit my personal experiences and traumas to help you collegiates in any relationships you may be in.

One taught me my worth & to never change myself for a guy.

One taught me that stolen moments are not a relationship & what I expect from someone who tells me they love me.

The other taught me that not everyone is who they say they are & boy oh boy do boys lie.

I thought I’d end up with my first love – just kidding he definitely wasn’t a match. However, he will always have a place in my heart. Truly. He was the first guy to ever make me feel beautiful; to make me feel seen. He was funny, and charming. But we were so different. Different to the point where I changed myself to make myself the person I thought he wanted. And that was my first mistake. After a year of stringing me along, I found out he was dating the size 2 version of me – I wish I was kidding. My friends and I still joke about this to this day. He still tried to get with me while he had that girlfriend, and hasn’t stopped trying until this day. And after finding out how their relationship ended – karma is real. Looking back, I was honestly devastated because when you shape yourself into what you think someone else wants you lose yourself. And it took me a long time to find myself again – but I did. Never change yourself for a boy and never compromise how you know you deserve to be treated. 

Wrote some articles about my next ex, now I read them and laugh. So after my first love, I purposely went for someone who I thought would never hurt me the way my ex did. This guy had a thing for me for years, and was too shy to talk to me. The problem with this ex truly was the timing. By the time I realized I liked him – he had a girlfriend. To clarify, this is not a habit of mine – when I meet them they don’t have girlfriends – it just be like that sometimes. He honestly taught me what it looks like when someone actually loves you for you. But the problem with him was he couldn’t make up his mind. We were friends; we did clubs together. We had to see each other a lot. And despite having a girlfriend, he still told me he loved me. Stolen moments are not a relationship. And when you’re young and stupid you try to trick yourself into thinking they are. In your head they have to add up to something – but they don’t. While he spent holidays with her I sat and waited for him like a statue – because those moments had to add up to something. But they didn’t. When someone tells you they love you. It should only be you. Never let anyone emotionally manipulate you and be little you. Now that I look back on this relationship, I can see that I deserved better and we really brought out the worst qualities in each other. I truly can wish him all the best. 

I even almost committed to my next ex. My friends and I all  joke about how even if I really like someone I’m always afraid to commit – but like I said, that’s a different article. The next ex was different though. He was the first guy I met at Scranton. We had a weird love (infatuation) at first sight thing that we joked about later. He was smart, funny, and someone I genuinely believed to be a good guy. We had so much in common too. He aspired to be a lawyer, and was into politics. He was a Trump supporter – first big red flag. But I thought we could get past that. We had great conversations and he truly seemed to care about me. But we would always hang out in his room or off campus. We never hung out in DeNaples. We drove thirty minutes to our first date. I thought it was weird that he didn’t say hi to me at events that I went to support him at. But my amazing friends cracked the code- he had a girlfriend. Who he lied about, who wasn’t on his social media, and who went to the university. You have to understand, I truly had no idea. After my last ex, I would never do that to someone. He said he wanted to be with me only, and that he could see himself marrying me one day. When I confronted him, he proceeded to gaslight me.

“Why would you even ask me that”

“I can’t believe you’d say something like that”

“Why would I lie to you.”

“I can’t believe you don’t trust me after all I’ve done for you”

“You sound crazy.”

After I blocked him on everything, he became a different person. Freshman year came to an end and sophomore year began. He began stalking me. No I’m not being dramatic, I wish I was. Someone who I trusted more than anyone became my real life nightmare. I’m obviously not going into details for legal reasons and my personal safety. I was scared to report him because remember he’s a good guy. Dean’s list, involved with the university on many levels – the perfect guy. I didn’t want to risk my future and reputation over that guy. He graduated last year and I’m free of him. And looking back, I can say I no longer let people walk all over me, and I am very careful with who I trust. And I can at least thank him for that.

All in all, my exes have each put me through a different type of hell. But I can look back and be grateful because it taught me what I want out of a relationship and I know my worth.

• exes
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• shout out to my ex