Valentine’s day: a holiday created so couples can rub their coupliness in your face. It sure feels like that sometimes, doesn’t it? I’m typically the average grouch towards the dreaded hallmark fiasco, but this year was different. To my surprise, I was asked on a date by a guy that I met on February 13th.
My first instinct was to decline. Valentine’s day has such serious implications attached to it. It is widely assumed that if you are not in a committed relationship, the holiday is off-limits. If you bring your casual hookup flowers or ask your situationship to dinner, you will most likely get ghosted.
But there I was, asked to dinner by someone who seemingly was just interested in getting to know me. I decided to go, what was the worst that could happen? As the time neared 6 pm, I became increasingly nervous. I realized this was the first official “date” I’d been on in college that exceeded the walls of my apartment.
In a sea of one-night stands and blurred labels, I was caught on a real dinner date.
The date itself was more than I could’ve asked for. He brought me beautiful flowers, asked me questions about myself, and politely dropped me off afterward. After marveling for the rest of the night about the respect I was treated with, I came to a hard realization: the bar is absolutely through the floor.
Why shouldn’t I get asked on actual dates? Why shouldn’t I expect flowers on said dates? And someone please tell me why asking your hookup to dinner for valentine’s is such a no-no? My college standards have pretty much been to assume that every guy is looking for sex when there absolutely are people out there looking for a relationship too.
It seems that hookup culture has twisted college relationships into an affair of indecency and toxicity. Maybe a casual hookup is your preference, and that’s totally valid. But with that, it is important to demand respect in every relationship, serious or not. Casual hookups can be fun and positive as long as personal needs are communicated, however, if you know you don’t like it then don’t put participate in something that isn’t serving you.
Honestly, I’m not sure if I will go on a second date with my last-minute valentine, but it definitely gave me a new perception of the holiday. I’m now grateful for Valentine’s day, as it helped me realize that my standards were not up to par. Hookup culture has unfortunately normalized disrespect and warped the college dating experience, but I can now acknowledge this fact and move on to find someone who wants the same as I do.
As I now navigate dating in college, I recognize the importance of communicating what I want. Regardless of if you are a relationship girl or prefer a spontaneous fling, it is important to set your intentions and boundaries. Expect respect, weed out the people who don’t meet your needs, and anticipate nothing less than your desires– you deserve them.