● TRIGGER WARNING: this article contains topics about sexual assault/ abuse. Not all victims are women and not all perpetrators are men, but the epidemic is men perpetuating sexual violence against women, and in light of recent events, that’s what this article will be focusing on
What Kristine-Blasey Ford did the other day was something of great honor, and I want to begin this article by thanking her for her courage to stand up and speak up about something so deeply personal. I believe her and will continue to support her. That’s what we women should do, stick together. In coming forward we women don’t want to be heroes, we just acknowledge that thousands of other people have stories like us and by speaking up we are not at all seeking attention–we are simply seeking justice. It is not “trendy” to come out as a victim. It is hard, it is scary and it is painful. That being said, all we are asking for as women is respect when that individual traumatic experience lands us on the front cover of a magazine, on television, or if we post a “me too” status. Statistically speaking, in the United States there is one person being sexually assaulted every 2 minutes. And those are the majority of cases that go unseen. That means that it’s highly unlikely that victims coming forward are lying about their experience. It’s the strength of a victim who has been taking time to heal and who finally finds the courage deep inside to do something about their trauma that gets highlighted in the media. Every single person deserves respect even if they are not given privacy, and I cannot stress that enough.
When I was 17 years old, I went to a party where I met a boy–let’s call him Frank. He was tall, of darker complexion and had caught my eye. We talked for a little bit at the party, nothing too in depth but we seemed to have a few things in common so I asked him for his number to see if he wanted to hang out the next day. The only thing I remember about that “next day” was waking up really late in the evening, looking down at the floor where all of my clothes lay scattered all over. They were not on my body and I sure as hell was not the one who had taken them off. That evening before I gathered my things and left, I realized that I had been left alone for hours–unconscious on a bed. I had been raped by a person who I barely even knew. He disrespected and violated my personhood during a time of unconsciousness where I couldn’t even mutter my own name. The moment when I came to terms with the deprivation of justice in HIS actions, my life was never the same.
Like Blasey-Ford, I was extremely afraid to open up to anyone after the incident. It took me years. Not because I didn’t want anyone to know, but more because I was afraid of the judgement that would come with it. Neither Blasey-Ford nor I felt ready for a long time because recounting our stories causes a lot of pain and anxiety. Like her, my fears of the consequences were exponentially increasing. However, seeking empathy and understanding, I opened up and told my story to the people I loved and cared about the most. I confided in them as they began to judge and make jokes– like many other people who misinterpret sexual assault from a conservative patriarchal point of view do. Similarly, our president Donald Trump recently made a judgement statement on Dr. Ford’s testimony through a tweet jokingly questioning why it took her 36 years to report her case. The blame was put on me and her, like it has for many other women, for being “too promiscuous” and “not being able to stop it from happening”. I received comments like “you were probably just looking for sex and made yourself an easy target” or “if you just would have said no, none of this would have happened”. In the aftermath of her trial, Dr. Ford was discredited and made fun of, memes containing unflattering pictures of her were created that said “so there I was at a party when judge Kavanaugh couldn’t keep his hands off of me” or people belittling her testimony by making hashtags saying #christine blasey ford is a lying whore.
For several years after the incident, like Dr. Ford, I lived in a state of panic, attempting to forcefully communicate with my memory system over and over again: in the morning while I was shoving breakfast down my throat, countless times at night when I tried to get some rest. There was so much blame from external sources, and it really hurt me like it has other women. Looking back, this type of treatment has been repetitive in our history as women continue to be held in their abuse instead of being listened to and respected. The patriarchal view stating that a man is more powerful than anyone else due to biological differences is one that many women have been fearful to challenge for centuries. But we must not have fear anymore.
We need to begin engaging in more respectful discussions with survivors instead of letting things get ripped to shreds in the public eye and within the justice system. We aren’t always perfect, but if we start living life with a love ethic (voting, being active listeners, embracing women’s rights, putting thoughts into action), by doing so we begin to change oppressive patriarchal systems that have been embedded into our society for far too long. So let’s not let our voices be silenced by those who hold high positions in our government. Even if we have to wait another 3 years for people to get voted out or 30 years for things to change, we cannot forget to love what we believe in and never ever lose hope. I would like to point out that by attempting to hold our feminine voices down and shutting us up by the shackles of patriarchal domination, you are starting a movement. You are pushing us to challenge the conservative status quo with both word and deed as many women including Dr. Ford have done so far. We also see that by cultivating courage and standing up for what we believe in we can, as women, collectively regain faith in radical change. So next time you see a victim coming forward to speak, silence yourself and listen. The next opportunity to bring change to our systems—take it. Do not rest in the filth of complacency.