Making Long Distance Work

Anyone who knows me well enough knows that my relationship is very important to me – despite the fact that my boyfriend lives 495 miles away. Let me tell you, going weeks at a time without seeing him is hard, especially since we have been long distance the majority of our realtionship (minus summer and holiday breaks).  While having a relationship outside of the Sewanee community is hard, many people have been able to make it work successfully. When you truly care about someone, you do what it takes to make it work (even if that means driving 7.5 hours as often as you can). I’m just thankful we are lucky enough to be able to make the drive in less than a day – some people are continents away from each other!

Here are some tips for things that have helped us for over a year now: 

• Facetime – We are so lucky we live in an age where we can see each other face-to-face for conversations
• Snapchat – This is a great aid for texting.  It allows you to not only see their face as if they are right with you but also to appreciate the little things (like how he’s wearing a shirt you got him for Christmas).
• Spontaneous Compliments – Something as simple as making their day is so important for keeping the sparks fresh.  I know that when he sends me a message calling me “Cutie” or telling me how he’s thinking about me, that I can’t help but smile, no matter where I am or how badly my day might be going. 
• Watching Netflix shows together – Our current binge-worthy show is Lost! It’s so nice to be able to watching something at the same time, knowing they would be sitting right next to you if they could. 
• Staying informed on each other’s interests – Let’s say he’s on a sports team, or you write for something like Her Campus (as everyone should!!) – make sure you care about the little things.  Stay updated on the score from his game since you weren’t able to go, texting him about it so he can see when the game’s over.  Send him articles you’ve written or updates about whatever it is you are involved.  Making sure you include him in the things that are important to you makes a huge difference.
• Try to see things from their perspective – If there is a miscommunication about something, try to see why they could have misunderstood.  Because you can’t see each other all the time, you want to make sure they know they can trust you and that you don’t ever take advantage of that trust. (And understand when they may be frustrated because the wifi isn’t working and they can’t see you on Facetime – don’t take it personally). 

• Know each other’s schedules – This is huge – if he has classes back-to-back all Wednesday afternoon and evening, do not get worried when you don’t hear back for a long time. 
• Sending a letter – This is especially true when it is on special occasions.  This can even be in the form of an email.  If you’re really missing them, send a letter listing all the things you love about them.  
• Playing a game together – Hanging with Friends or Words with Friends are great options for not only being playful but also competitive! 
• Make a playlist of songs that make you think of each other – This has become one of my favorite things to lean on when I miss him. But even beyond that, we love listening to it together (singing along to the lyrics together), and I love using it to aid in my excitement when I’m driving to see him. Whenever he adds a song to the playlist, I want to drop everything I’m doing and listen to it, feeling special that he thought about me. (Also, a LOT of songs reference long distance relationships – like “Hey There Delilah” and “500 miles” for example.)
• Be relaxed with each other – The time spent together is special – so while you will want to do exciting things together, also learn to be content sitting back and just watching a movie and cooking together.  This allows you to enjoy what the future could look like when distance doesn’t separate you! 

• Learning patience and trust – You have to learn to work through disagreements over the phone/Facetime.  This certainly isn’t easy since you can be tempted to hang up, but this is crucial to make things last. 
• Talk about random things that happened during your day – Because they don’t go to the same school, you will have tons to talk about every day, even if it just means telling them what you ate for lunch :) 
• Telling each other goodnight before going to bed – This is true for any relationship. Make sure they go to bed every night knowing how much they mean to you. 

One beautiful thing about long distance is that you learn to cherish the time you have together. Sure, the driving away part never gets easier – to be frank, it SUCKS. But I know that the time apart will just make us stronger, allowing us to KNOW that we want to be together. 

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