1. Quality over Quantity
There is nothing more unnerving than making new friends. We all want everyone to like us, treat us fairly, and care about our emotions; however, sometimes that just won’t happen. I’ve noticed the smaller my group gets, the happier I am. Life is too short to force yourself to hang out with people who hurt your feelings.
2. You Have to Put Yourself in Other People’s Shoes
At the end of the day, we are never going to know what another person is going through, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t educate ourselves about their lives. By not taking the steps of educating ourselves, we are becoming complicit in blatant disrespect of minority communities. Taking time to do some research over the different communities in your hometown, state, or country will shape you into a far more culturally and socially aware person.
3. Sometimes You Gotta Buy Yourself Something Nice
Spending money on yourself? I know it sounds crazy, but it is nice to remind yourself you are a real person and not a machine. Life can be a little mundane sometimes, so if you really want to go crazy at brunch or that really cute outfit you saw in the mirror, do it!
4. Sometimes You’re Going to Be Alone and That’s Okay
Loneliness can often feel like the worst feeling in the world. Being in a rut and desperately needing help when no one is around to give you their hand is something that most people will have to experience in their lives. I know this sounds pretty bleak, but believe me when I say, there are ways you can pull yourself out. It will feel a little silly, but simply look it up. On my phone, I have an app that helps me track my menstrual cycle and also connects me to other people who have periods so that we may share our experiences. Sometimes you won’t even talk to anyone, you can just read their post and realize that many other people are in your situation.
5. If You’re Going to Join a Religious Group, Do Your Research
Almost no group is what it says it is. Be sure to read up on history and values because it is one thing to be part of a group and also be aware of past actions, it is another thing to blindly follow without any knowledge.
6. It is Better to Be Loud Than it is to Be Quiet
In our society, there is a lot of injustice running completely unopposed. A lot of us are scared of what happens if we speak out, and a lot of us don’t care enough about the world to even develop a stance, but one of the most important things I learned in high school is that silence is deadly. By not opposing injustice, we are simply allowing it to happen, making us no better than the people committing it. Usually, when women speak out on social issues and discrimination, we are called “loud and annoying,” and I say good! Be loud, be annoying, wear them out.
7. Home Will Stop Feeling Like Home
This is a day that I am sure is dreaded by many. One day you will go home, and you will feel like a guest. You won’t have your pink salt nightlight, your weighted blanket, or your cat to sleep on your feet all night. The people living there will still physically be the people who raised you, but in many ways, you are more disconnected from them than anyone else. It will hurt, and you will probably cry a lot, but that just means you’ve started to make your own home. You have your own routine, your own comfort, and your own freedom. It may feel like your whole life is coming to an end, but I assure you – it’s just the end of that chapter.
8. Driving
There is a specific feeling that comes with driving that truly proves itself to be a freeing experience for most women. I felt this when I was driving down a major highway in Houston, Texas with tears streaming down my eyes. Was that even safe? No, but I was having one of the worst days of my life, and it wasn’t until three days later that I realized how badly I needed that space to cry. I needed to be able to scream without bothering anyone. I have also had some of my happiest memories just riding around the back roads of Nacogdoches. I have laughed harder in the drive-thru of a Whataburger than anywhere else. It is the one place you can truly be yourself.
9. Buy the Good Products (It’s Cheaper)
One thing I have realized as a generational member of the working class is that it is better to buy one expensive thing than three cheaper things. There are going to be MANY choices in your life where you will have the option to cheap out: buying a computer for school/work, buying the big detergent for $10 or the tiny individuals for $3.99, and ESPECIALLY when buying shampoo. It may seem like you are saving money at the time, but you will only pay more in the long run.
10. Everyone Needs Therapy
If you read this point and said, “what, I don’t need therapy,” I want you to take four minutes and think about spending a week alone. We as a society seem to have a superiority complex when it comes to issues. The idea that therapy is only for the mentally ill is not only incorrect, but it’s pretty stupid. We all have our own issues that directly affect the way we interact with each other, and it is extremely important that we handle those to be the best version of ourselves as possible.
11. Wash Your Face
I am the world’s WORST person to be giving skin-care advice, but I am learning. A year ago, I would be asleep with a full face of makeup…. eyelashes and all. Six months ago, I would have taken off the eyelashes, but kept the make-up on. I have really grown into someone I don’t know when it comes to taking care of myself. My face is makeup-free every night and washed almost every night. Though I’m not perfect at it yet, I know it is important enough to at least advocate for others to do it. Oh, and WEAR SUNSCREEN!!!!!!
12. Find a Hobby
Even something as simple as making Tik Toks can make a stark difference in someone’s life. When you wake up every morning just to go to school or work and then immediately come home, eat, and go to bed, it will be extremely easy to slip into a pit of depression. That isn’t living, that is merely surviving. But taking a little piece of your day to do something that makes you happy, that can make it all feel worth it. Recently I’ve been on an Animal Crossing and Sims 4 kick. I make a little ritual out of it. I get my chips and guacamole, a bowl of grapes, a glass of sweet tea, and my favorite throw blanket and just allow myself to get lost in a cute little world.
13. Invest in a Water Bottle
Y’all, we have GOT to start drinking water. When I bought a water bottle that I thought was really cute, my water intake went up by like 80%, I had more energy than I have ever had before. The bags under my eyes became less purple, and my muscles stopped hurting anywhere near as much as they used to. I’m not kidding, find one that you think is funky, and fill it up!
14. Take in the Little Things
Even something as simple as going to the movies, or a grocery trip with someone you love can make your entire day turn around. Some things feel so mundane, so it’s important to romanticize life just a little bit.
15. It’s Okay to Eat
There seems to be this phenomenon in the South where children are learning the eating habits of their parents, who learned theirs from their parents, who were growing up in a terrible time for body image. As a seasoned server, I have noticed this so many times when I approach a table and I always try to comfort them. They’ll spend minutes debating on whether or not they should eat chips and salsa, or if they should get a coke or a diet coke and my answer is always “well, do you want the chips?” and they typically respond with “well, yeah but-” and I’ll cut them off by telling them that life is simply too short to not enjoy the taste of food just because someone told you that you don’t need it.
16. Eventually, You’re Going to Have to Talk to Your Parents
It’s no secret that parents aren’t perfect, and in their imperfections, they can really damage their children. Meaning that most of us hold slight resentment for them and by not addressing it, resentment will only grow. I know it is hard to talk to your parents about serious matters; it is even harder to confront them on how they hurt you, but it is part of the healing process. Even if it doesn’t go well, you will at least have closure.
17. Throw Blankets are Superior
Everyone, and I do mean everyone, should have an emotional-support throw blanket. There is nothing better than making yourself a bag of popcorn and curling up with your comfiest blanket and just taking the time to relax.
18. If it Makes You Happy, Then Wear it
There seems to be a general idea that everyone should dress a certain way. Whether that be modestly or immodestly, trendy or alt (and any of the subgenres encompassed in that) someone is always going to find something wrong with your outfit. You might as well just allow yourself to enjoy your own comfort zone and tell everyone else to bug off.
19. Sometimes You Have to be “Mean”
When I say you have to be mean; I am not saying that you have to be hateful. There is an art to being “mean” that really does make people respect, especially as a woman. When a man is assertive, he is a leader type, but when a woman is assertive, she is mean and bossy. You have to stand up for yourself in this world, and the people who think you’re mean, aren’t worth your time.
20. “If This Is the Worst Thing to Happen to You Today, then it’s Still a Pretty Good Day”
This is something my grandfather used to tell me when I panicked about the trivial things in life. I remember when I was six and my hair would lay flat and I thought the world was going to implode, and while everyone else was mad and annoyed my grandpa sat crisscross applesauce right next to me and looked me in the eyes and said “hey, if having bad hair day is the worst thing that happens today, then I think you had a pretty good day.” I took two seconds and sniffled to myself, put down the brush and hugged him. I remembered he just grabbed me a hat that was too big and we went about our day. I know this sounds pretty insignificant, but I have been holding this sentiment very close to my heart, especially now. Though he is no longer with me, he certainly taught me the most important thing about life.
RESOURCES:
Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA): 240-485-1001
Hoochies of Houston: Can be found on Instagram and Twitter
Ukraine Relief Funds: https://help.rescue.org/donate/ukraine-web?ms=ws_resq_stat_ftr_btn_fy22_ukraine_mmus_feb_n6529&initialms=ws_resq_stat_ftr_btn_fy22_ukraine_mmus_feb_n6529&gclid=CjwKCAjwoduRBhA4EiwACL5RP_ivdYYWKcX5mpS9bX8UbA-V3jflUAGADuddmsiRm11smzUQFtwmGhoCqSAQAvD_BwE