According to the World Health Organization Report, 1 in 4 people struggle with a mental illness, that’s about 450 million people in total worldwide. So why is there still a stigma about mental illnesses and the people experiencing them? Mental illness does not discriminate, so thinking about your everyday routine, you’ve probably come across eight different people with a mental illnesses and never noticed. If you are someone who does not suffer from an illness, you might remember the first time you had an encounter or experience with someone who did
My first experience was when I was 11 years old. As a young girl with divorced parents, any time I spent with my mom, whom I didn’t live with, was always a cherished memory. I always joke to my mother that I have too much of my father in me, where we are both harsh and crude at times, she’s sweet and sugary. My mom taught me how in-tuned I needed to be with my emotions and who I am as a person. Throughout my life, I would see my mother in glimpses and would go long periods of not seeing her. I was always told, “Oh, Mommy is sick and in the hospital,” but when I would ask to visit, I was never allowed. Not being able to see my mother often frustrated me and made me feel as if she didn’t want to be around me. It wasn’t until one day, in passing, I heard one aunt say to another the word “Schizophrenia.” Being eleven, I had no idea in hell what that word meant, or even how it applied to my mother. So, the next time I saw my dad, I asked him what was wrong with my mom.
Of course, he struggled to explain it—after all, he didn’t exactly understand her illness entirely, or better yet, how to explain it to his young daughter. So, he sat with me at a computer, and we looked it up together.
When I first read some of things tied with schizophrenia, I was at a loss for words, thinking, “This isn’t how mom is.” My mom was sweet, the kind that would bake cookies for you just for coming over, and to see some things counteracting her goodness, confused me.
The next time I saw my mom, I asked her about it. My mother never lied to me, of all the times she could’ve, she was always very understanding and open. So, she also explained what schizophrenia was…
She was hesitant, clearly not wanting me to see her in a different light, but explained the illness as well as she could. She told me that at times she didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t, and she sometimes couldn’t control her anger. This was a shock to me because as I mentioned before, my mom was the sweetest person I knew, so I was unaware that she had any problems, and as I grew up I realized my family tried to shield me from her illness.
When I entered middle school and later high school, people all around me started learning about the same illness I’ve known about. But it was different, because everyone around me would tie schizophrenia to a murderous person without limitations or boundaries on the real world. I grew up angry at the world for having such a stigma, I grew up fighting with those around me who didn’t know about my personal life, and I grew up having to remind myself that my mother’s illness was not my mom. Out of my respect to my mom, I never spoke of her illness, except for the occasional times I would have to explain her behaviors to friends who didn’t understand her paranoia.
I also realized that some people weren’t as educated as I was on the matter or knew someone who experienced the battle it was. So, my duty as a daughter of someone with schizophrenia, in my eyes, is to help build a bridge between the community and those with this illness.
To do so, I asked my mom if I could ask questions and write about her, and about our lives. She said yes immediately, now no longer ashamed of who she is or the journey of her life.
Me: When was the first time you heard the word schizophrenia?
Mom: After Chuck (her son) was born, I heard it within 6-8 months.
Me: With your journey in mind, how would you define schizophrenia?
Mom: Not being able to distinguish reality from fiction, being paranoid even towards friends and family, having bouts of anger without realizing it, and being aware that it’s not your typical self. Uncontrollable anger, too.
Me: What was being diagnosed like?
Mom: It was scary, and it made me feel like, ‘This isn’t me, what are people going to think?’ Were people going to think I’m crazy, will they not want to be my friend? How can I keep relationships with telling them and not cutting off ties?
Me: How did it affect your relationships?
Mom: It made some people close to me, and others angry and abusive (in my eyes), lots of name calling, general anger towards me, people disregarding my diagnosis, etc. It did break ties with people because of the stigma, and they never knew what outbreak I could have. I did lose a lot of friends, but I’m slowly regaining them again.
She started getting emotional as I asked her to clarify deeper, and if she thought her illness affects her children- my older brother and myself.
Mom: I feel like I wronged y’all, because of the schizophrenia I lost custody. It made people hesitate around me having y’all. I feel like you both grew up too soon and had to walk on eggshells around me. I didn’t like it.
Me: What are some daily struggles you face?
Mom: I struggle maintaining a stable medicine regime, and taking them all the time without skipping any, because if I do, I feel differently. It makes me relapse into the paranoid, makes me not want to be around others, brings out a temper in me, and I can’t really think…
Me: Want to end this question, Mama?
Mom: Sure.
Me: How is the world of doctors and medication?
Mom: They’re good and bad. My first doctor was more of a pill pusher, and had me on several pill cocktails to supposedly make me feel better. With my 17 years with that doctor, I was hospitalized five times despite trying several different cocktails. Within six months of changing doctors, I was on a good cocktail for me, and have been stabilized since 2007. I did volunteer work—in 2007 and continued, until I was offered a job. I now have been holding down a job since 2011.
Me: What’s a common stigma you face?
Mom: That people are harmful to themselves, to others, and commit severe criminal acts.
Me: “How does that make you feel?”
Mom: Sad. It makes me feel sad. There are lot of important people in the world with schizophrenia who have maintained good lives and made a mark on the world.
Me: How do you feel about Hollywood’s portrayal of schizophrenia?
Mom: Well, I think they did well on the negative, the stigma and whatnot, and used it to scare the public.
Me: What is one thing you want people to take away from this interview?
Mom: That just because someone is diagnosed with schizophrenia, it doesn’t make them a bad person, and once they are stabilized and getting back into the community and not hiding from the public due to paranoia, make them see the beauty in the individual once again.
Trisha Greenwood is a force to be reckoned with. Her last hospitalization due to her illness was in 2007 (10 years up Mom!), and she held a stable job at a consignment store called The Mustard Seed, as the assistant manager from 2011-14, then she finally got situated in The Donna Marie Clubhouse, where she is now the outreach coordinator. The Donna Marie Clubhouse, according to their Facebook is “a farm based psychosocial rehabilitation program helping those living with mental illnesses achieve more satisfying daily lives. Members and staff work together as colleagues to accomplish the goals of the Clubhouse. This program helps people with serious, persistent mental illness to restore their self-confidence, to re-enter the job market and to live independently.”
In 2011, Trisha went to the Capitol of Texas and presented the “Importance of Funding For Mental Health” in front of the House of Representatives. She remembers this as one of her proudest moments.
Beyond work and family time, Trisha continues to express herself through her artwork and poetry, many of which helped her through dark times and allowed her to cope in a healthy and safe way. Her work has been routinely published by The Donna Marie Clubhouse newsletter and is a very big reason I, personally, am writing.
Schizophrenia has never defined my mother. Though when I was younger, she hid from it and tried to pretend it wasn’t an aspect of her life, she now embraces her obstacles in life. Watching her grow into the person she wants to be has been such a blessing for our family. Trisha Greenwood doesn’t allow stigma to slow her life or happiness and it’s about time for everyone else to do the same.
Donna Marie Clubhouse: https://www.facebook.com/pg/DMClubhouse/about/?ref=page_internal