The first time I watched the Hollywood blockbuster He’s Just Not That Into You I was 13 years old, about to enter the most turbulent, breakout-filled and annoying 4 years of my life, had never been on a date or had a crush (no, not even a summer fling). Little did I know that not only this masterpiece would become one of my all-time favorites, but even more so, I had no idea that a movie where Bradley Cooper cheats on Jennifer Connelly with Scarlett Johansson would actually become my dating bible. Of course, I had to watch it multiple times over the years up until I was about 18 to actually understand how phenomenally relatable and truth-telling it is.
During those in-between years, I only thought of that movie as a fun, irreverent, but fictitious portrayal of young (unreasonably gorgeous) stylish Americans navigating through unrequited love, dating, breakups and marriage. I was sooo wrong. It took me being almost friend-zoned by a guy I convinced myself I was into to actually realize that if I had only referred to the first 5 minutes of that movie, I would have seen all the signs, the red flags, nay, the billboards screaming “girl, he’s just not that into you”!!
I think we can safely admit that He’s Just Not That Into You has been tremendously popular ever since its release in 2009; even though it is set in a decade that seems to be miles away from the chaotic beginning of the 2020s, I believe the relationship insights this movie has to offer widely apply in today’s dating reality.
Of course, coming to love what at first appears to be a Hollywood dramatization of love and romance, has not been easy; at first, I refused to take the plot seriously because of its the depressing and honestly disheartening perspective on love.
In fact, most of the relationships in the movie do not work out in the end and basically almost all of the characters are left with nothing but disappointment and a life lesson they will not forget. The main message of this movie (which, I’m not surprised, was directed by a man), is that if a guy is interested in you, he will make an effort to contact you, ask you on a date, call you the morning after; if after a date, or a one-night stand he doesn’t reach out, he doesn’t intend to see you again.
Notice how I steered clear from saying “he probably doesn’t intend to see you again”; this is because we way too often tend to attribute to that “probably” a sense of hope and ingenuity when we know all too well that when he doesn’t call or text for a couple of weeks after you date, it’s not because he’s in Madagascar studying Orangutans or dropped his phone in the toilet, but it’s because he is not interested in pursuing anything with you.
That said, I know it can be terribly hard to let go of the thought that all that delay might be cause he’s planning to send a carrier pigeon to surprise you and tell you where your next date is going to be… sadly, life isn’t a Netflix show and we need to let go of the ‘why does he, why doesn’t he” simply out of respect for ourselves.
Although this doesn’t automatically mean that we should expect guys to immediately reach out and be 100% involved after a few dates, we should feel empowered by knowing the difference between someone who is interested and someone who just isn’t and not blame ourselves or our personalities for anyone’s lack of involvement or, after a couple of dates, commitment.
He’s just not that into you was obviously made to please a large audience and it’s not a documentary, but a fictitious perspective on the chaos of love and dating in the 21st century. Although it shouldn’t be taken too seriously, it reminds me to set some standards for myself and not to waste too much of my time and energy obsessing over whether my date is going to call me the next day or not.
In my opinion (which is mainly based off lots of observation and some first-hand experience, lol) love and dating are never a smooth sail, but they can be incredibly fun and allow us to grow and better ourselves over time.